A Feather In The Wind
by thisiswhereIkeepmyfics
Summary: A Riain fic inspired by (and containing) spoilers for the ep on the 23rd April. Mark won't leave Rita alone, can her relationship with Iain survive everything Mark puts them through?
1. Chapter 1

I saw the spoilers for the episode on the 23rd and they have inspired this, my first long-ish Riain fic. It's probably going to be a bit darker & more angsty than the things I usually write so I'm going to keep writing the odd fluffy oneshot too.

I'll be super impressed if anyone knows where the title of this fic was taken from!

* * *

"Reet?" Iain frowned when he answered his phone just half an hour after he'd said goodbye to her, "is everything alright?" He was instantly worried, she never called him when she knew he was working, and, as he'd be seeing her again in just over an hour, he knew she'd only ring him if she really had to. "Rita" her lack of response worried him even more.

"He's been here" she finally sobbed into her phone, her breath catching in her throat, it had taken her a moment to find his number, her fingers shaking so much she could barely keep hold of her phone, "first the complaints and now, now he's been in my house Iain, he's, he's been in my bedroom."

"Get out" Iain said sharply, "get out of the house and ring the police. I'm on my way right now" she didn't need to tell him who she was referring to, he knew exactly who she meant. He briefly thought that it might not have been Mark that had done whatever it was that had Rita so afraid but he wasn't going to take that hance

"Iain" he could hear the fear in her voice and it broke his heart.

"It'll be okay" he promised, "go to the shop at the end of your road and ask the police to meet you there. He's probably just trying to scare you but if he is planning anything Rita he won't do it in public."

"Can you…"

"I'm on my way" he promised before looking over at Jez, "I've got to go, can you…" he didn't even know what he wanted Jez to do.

"I'll sort it" the younger paramedic nodded, "you go and make sure Rita's alright."

"Cheers mate" Iain jogged out of the ambulance station before speaking to Rita again, "where are you?"

"I'm going to the shop… like you said."

"Okay, I'm on my way but I'm going to hang up now so you can ring the police, if I'm not there by the time you've done then call me straight back yeah?"

He heard Rita sniffle slightly, "okay" she whispered.

"Reet" he said softly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, I love you and we're going to be okay. You're going to be okay" he told her as he raced through the streets, not even bothering to apologise to the people he bumped into. Rita was the only thing on his mind and he needed to be with her as soon as possible.

"I love you too" Rita whispered before ending the call and dialing 999.

"Rita" she fell against him as soon as she saw him, unable to contain the sobs, the tears she'd been holding back since she'd seen her trashed bedroom, a moment longer. He held her tightly, kissing her head and telling her she was safe over and over again until he noticed her breath catching in her throat, "Rita" he said again, tipping her head so he could look her in the eye, it was then when he saw just how terrified she was.

"Iain" she gasped, "I can't, I…"

"Take a deep breath" he told her, doing so himself as he lead her out of the shop, "you're scared and upset, you're having a panic attack but you're going to be okay, I'm not going anywhere, you need to try and slow your breathing down Reet, you're going to be okay." He kept his breathing deliberately slow so Rita could try and match it, he'd had panic attacks himself after leaving the army, he didn't need to see the fear on her face to know how scared she was right now. He kept his eyes locked on hers as she looked up at him, his arms around her as he continued to talk softly to her, reminding her she was safe and telling her that he loved her in between stories of silly things Jez had said or done that he told her as an attempt to distract her from the thoughts racing through her head.

"Is everything okay sir?" Rita was just beginning to calm down when the police arrived.

"Yeah, are you here for Rita Freeman?"

The police officer nodded and Iain pointed to the woman in his arms before gesturing down the road, "she lives at number 63, do you want to meet us there?"

The police officer nodded again, "you can come with us in the car" he suggested but Iain shook his head.

"She's just had a panic attack, I think she needs the fresh air, it's not far."

Iain took the key from Rita when they reached her front door, her hands shaking too much to get it in the lock, "I've only seen my bedroom" Rita said once she'd stepped into the hall with Iain and the two police officers, "I erm, my ex-husband came to the hospital where I work last week, I've been staying with Iain ever since" she gestured to the man who still had his arm around her, "I was just going to pick up a few things and go straight back there but…" she shrugged.

"Do you know how he got in?" The policeman asked.

Rita shook her head, "the front door was locked, I moved here almost a year after he went to prison, he's never lived here, he's never had a key."

"Right" The policeman scribbled in his notebook, "I'll go upstairs and have a quick look, did you move anything?" Rita shook her head, she hadn't been able to, she'd stood frozen in the doorway, frozen with fear before her brain had started repeating one word over and over ' _Iain_ '. The policeman nodded before turning to his female colleague, "you have a look down here" he said before turning back to Rita and Iain, "and if you just give us a moment to see if there's any other damage and double check there's nobody in the house and then we'll take a statement" he said as he headed up the stairs.

Rita felt sick, what if he was still here? What if he'd seen her come home, watched her call Iain? What if he'd been watching her for a while. "Iain" his name fell from her lips as he legs buckled beneath her, she couldn't do this, not again, she couldn't have him break her again, there was no way she'd be able to put herself back together again.

"You're okay" Iain sat Rita on the stairs before she collapsed into a heap on the floor, "look at me" he said firmly as he crouched in front of her, "look at me. He's not going to hurt you. If I have to stop working and be by your side every minute of every day, if you have to come to every shout with me, he won't hurt you. You might have been on your own before but not this time okay?"

"You…"

He took her hands and held them in his, "I'm not going anywhere Reet, you're going to be okay."

"Anything?" The policeman asked the policewoman who came out of the kitchen at the same time he walked down the stairs.

"The back door's been forced open" she nodded, "and this was on the table" she said, holding out a sheet of paper, the corner held in her gloved hand to protect the evidence.

Rita took one look at the note and felt her stomach churn, it was Mark's handwriting, she'd been right, he'd been here, he'd been in her house, and, as she read the few words he'd left her, she knew, she knew it would never be over. She could leave, she could move to the other side of the world but Mark would find her, he'd always come back. Mark wasn't going to let her move on, he didn't want her to be happy and Rita knew from experience, Mark always got what he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

I am crazy excited about this fic, it's going to be quite different to what I usually write, and I think it's the first time I've ever planned a fic out before writing it. I usually just wing it as I go along but I know exactly what's going to happen in this one! I hope you all like it as much as I do!

I don't really know much about the policew/law side of things in a case like this other than what I've seen on Happy Valley/Judge Judy etc but I felt like this chapter was needed to set the scenne ready for when the good stuff (or not so good stuff as the case may be) starts happening in the next chapter or two.

* * *

 _'You think you're something special don't you? I've seen you with lover boy but you forget, you forget that I know what you're like Rita. You'll mess it up, just like you mess everything else up. And when you do, I'll be waiting for you.'_

His words repeated themselves again and again in her head, he'd been watching her with Iain, he'd broken into her house, been in her bedroom, he was waiting for her… It was only Iain gently squeezing her hands that brought Rita back to reality and she realised the male police officer had been speaking to her, she caught the end of what he was saying and manage a nod in response, "... and because of that I think it might be wise to take your statement down at the station, we've got a forensic team on the way, if it was Mr Richie we'll be able to match any DNA they find with that already on his police record."

"It was him" Rita whispered, "that, that note is in his handwriting."

The policeman nodded and pulled out a clear, plastic, evidence bag from one of his pockets, holding it open so the policewoman could drop the note into it, "we'll leave it for forensics to collect with any other evidence they find. We'll go down to the station as soon as they get here."

"Can, can Iain come?"

"Of course" the female police officer said softly before looking at Iain, "we'll want a statement from you too" she told him before turning her attention back to Rita, "is there anywhere else you can stay tonight? If not we can arrange for an officer to…"

"She can stay with me" Iain interrupted, "We'll go to a hotel tonight, then tomorrow we'll go out, get some CCTV cameras and extra locks for the doors and go back to mine."

The police officers both nodded as the male officer spoke, "we'll take your details at the station so we can contact Miss Freeman if we need to."

Once at the police station Rita told the officers about everything, the abuse she'd suffered at his hands during their marriage, how he'd cornered her in his office the previous week, how Iain had warned him off, told him to leave her alone. She told them about the teenager he'd got pregnant, about the complaints made about her by a fictitious patient that she was sure he was responsible for. She told them how scared she was of him, how sick she felt knowing he was around but not knowing exactly where he was but the police could already see that, Rita's tears had barely stopped since she'd left Iain's side and her shaking hands and the quiver in her voice gave away just how much Mark terrified her.

Rita felt relieved that the police were taking things seriously, that they weren't trying to brush it off or get her to 'forget' about it. They told her they'd check out Mark's last known address, speak with his probation officer to get him in for questioning. They'd mentioned harassment charges to go with the breaking and entering charge he'd be facing, and told her that, should she want it, any judge would grant her a restraining order against her ex-husband, something she said she wanted to do even though she knew it would make no difference to Mark, if he wanted her, he wouldn't let something as trivial as a restraining order stop him.

It had taken the police a little over an hour to take Rita's statement, but to Rita each minute seemed to drag on for hours. She wanted Iain, she wanted him to hold her, she wanted to curl into his chest whilst he held her, kissed her and promised her she was safe because she knew she was when she was with him. She knew that as soon as Iain's arms wrapped around her waist that nothing could hurt her, he was her soldier, her knight in shining armour. She needed him to hold her, to catch her before she completely fell apart.

She'd collapsed into him as soon as she'd left the interview room. He too had given a statement to the police, telling them everything Rita had told him about the man, about how he'd told him to leave her alone just a week ago, he'd told them how he feared the man was a danger to the woman he loved.

The police officers gave Rita a few minutes with Iain to calm down before approaching her again, they gave her some leaflets that they'd promised her, information on trained counselors and 'victim support' groups where she could speak to people who'd dealt with similar things in the past and get the support she'd need to carry on with her life. They also told her what would happen next, what would happen when they found Mark, what charges he'd be facing and how she could go ahead with getting a restraining order.

"The officers at your house will secure the back door the best they can for you" the policeman told her, "but you might need to get someone out to look at it in the morning, and can I suggest, and I know it will be hard, but as soon as you can, you return to your house and try to see if any belongings are missing, if you need a police officer to accompany you for safety then you can give us a call."

Iain nodded, "I'll go with her" Iain told them, "we'll do it in the next couple of days, you'll need some clothes and things" he said softly to Rita.

"No" she whispered, "I don't want anything that he's touched. I, I'll see if anything's missing but I'm not keeping anything, it's all going in the bin."

"Okay Darling, okay" Iain wasn't going to argue with Rita, he completely understood why she wanted to get rid of everything Mark had touched and he wasn't going to try and change her mind.

He held Rita until she'd calmed down before asking the police to call them a taxi and he kept her hand firmly encased in his as the taxi took them back to his house, "I'm going to grab us a few things" he said after asking the taxi driver to wait for a few minutes, "are you…"

He didn't get chance to finish, "I'm coming in with you."

Rita barely left Iain's side as he packed them a bag for the night, she was like his shadow, staying within touching distance as he gathered the things they'd need, "have I missed anything?" He asked once he'd finished packing, Rita hadn't slept at her own house since Mark had returned the week before so Iain was able to pack her her own things, even though he knew she'd only want to sleep in a tshirt of his.

Rita shook her head, "no, I don't think so."

Iain smiled and held his hand out, allowing Rita to link her fingers with his, "come on then, let's go."

They sat in silence during the taxi ride to the hotel, Rita lost in thoughts about Mark, a constant stream of 'what ifs' bouncing around her head. She knew this was Mark's plan, one of his games, that it was the thoughts of what he could do to Rita that scared her the most, she knew what he was capable of, she didn't need anyone to spell it out for her.

She was only broken from her thoughts by Iain kissing her temple once he'd paid the taxi driver, "come on" he said softly, "let's get in and get you settled yeah?" Once again her hand found Iain's as they walked inside the hotel and he checked them in, "I'd like a room for tonight" he told the receptionist.

"Of course, would you like a double or a twin."

"A double please" he didn't need to ask Rita, he wasn't sure if either of them would get a wink of sleep but he was certain that, asleep or awake, Rita would spend the night curled right into his side.

"And can I take your names please?"

"It's Mr & Mrs Deanman" he answered without hesitating, he'd decided in the taxi to use a fake name, it was obvious that Mark had been watching Rita, if he gave a fake name he wouldn't find out they were staying in the hotel if he, or anyone else asked for him or Rita at reception.

"Thank you" she typed the details into the computer, and, after Iain had paid in cash to hide the fact the name on his cards didn't match the name he'd given, they were given a key, and directions to a room on the third floor of the hotel.

"Oh Iain" Rita whispered, tears filling her eyes almost as soon as the door to their room clicked shut.

"Come here" he reached behind her and clicked the lock shut before wrapping his arms around her as she began to sob as the day's events suddenly hit her.

Iain wanted to cry too, Rita was his world, he'd never admit it to anyone but her, but all he wanted to do was keep her safe, she brought out the 'caveman' in him. He was the man, she was the woman, it was his duty to protect her, to provide her with whatever she needed. He'd fight for her, kill for her if he had to and here she was, sobbing in his arms and there was absolutely nothing he could do to fix her.

"I'm scared" she whispered.

"I know" Iain said softly, "but I meant what I said earlier, "as long as I've got a breath in me, I'll be there for you, I'm not going to let him lay a finger on you Love."

"But what about when you're not there? When we have to go back to work and…"

"Don't worry about it" he said calmly as he felt her begin to panic, "I'll speak to Connie and Charlie myself if I have to, we'll explain what's happened, I know you're scared but everyone in that department loves you Rita, they're your friends. If they know what's happening they'll keep an eye out. If all the staff, and security all know to keep an eye out then he's going to struggle to get anywhere near you. You'll be okay Rita, I'll make sure of that." He kissed her head before softly asking, "shall we get changed and get into bed?"

Rita nodded, "I erm, I don't know how well I'll sleep."

"Thats okay, we can curl up and watch some tv, I'm not going anywhere Rita, I mean that."

He stepped away from her only briefly to check the door was locked and to move the chair from the small desk in the room, placing it in front of the door so that they'd be alerted should anyone try to get into their room.

Once he'd done that he helped Rita change out of her clothes and pull on a t-shirt of his own over her underwear before he got into the bed. He sat back against the headboard and she settled herself between his thighs, her back against his chest, his arms around her waist, completely engulfed by her thoughts.

It took a while but eventually exhaustion took over and Iain felt Rita began to relax against him as she slipped into a restless sleep. It was only then that Iain let his own tears fall, he loved Rita, she was so much more to him than a fling or a friend with benefits and it was killing him to know he couldn't take away the one thing that was hurting her. He kissed her forehead, she was so beautiful but so broken, she was falling apart in front of him and he only helped that she'd let him stay close enough so that he could help her pick up the pieces and build herself up again.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, I think this might be the last 'setting the scene' chapter before the good stuff starts in the next! I hope you like it! :D

* * *

Iain spent a restless night holding Rita, she'd slept through the night but her slumber was frequently interrupted by nightmares, images of Mark, flashbacks to her marriage but she didn't wake. Iain's sleep was so light that even the tiniest movement from Rita woke him. He'd spent most of his night kissing her head, running his fingers through her hair and whispering quietly in her ear, reassuring her that he loved her and that she was safe.

She finally woke a little after 8am but Iain was already awake, holding her closely as she relaxed against his chest, "morning" she mumbled.

"Morning Beautiful" Iain smiled softly, kissing her hair once again before asking, "how did you sleep?"

"I kept dreaming he was here" she whispered.

"Oh Rita" Iain said softly before admitting, "you were a bit restless."

"I'm sorry" Rita mumbled, "you should have woken me, told me to move so you could sleep."

"What, and let you battle with him on your own? It doesn't matter if he's in your head or in your house Reet, I'm not going to let him hurt you okay."

Rita tipped her head back so Iain could kiss her lips, "I love you."

He smiled, "I love you too, now, why don't we have a shower and get off? I want to go to homebase or wickes or somewhere so I can have a look at alarms and CCTV for the house."

"You don't have to do that."

"No" he agreed, "I don't, but I want to, if you're staying with me then I want you to feel safe in the house and whether that takes CCTV cameras, alarms or just a few more locks and bolts on the door then I'll do it Rita, I'm not him and I hope to God I never make you feel like he does."

"You don't" she whispered.

"Good" he kissed her again, "are you coming for a shower with me?" Rita nodded and Iain smiled, "you go and turn the shower on to warm up, I'll grab the washbag and be two minutes" Rita hesitated, "two minutes I promise, I'll be right behind you."

They spent half an hour in the shower, they washed quickly but Iain's hands found their way to Rita's waist and she'd collapsed against his chest, physically and emotionally exhausted by the past 24 hours, the nightmares and flashbacks leaving her tireder than a double shift in the ED.

Iain had simply held her close as she sobbed against him, he'd rubbed her back, ran his fingers through her damp hair and occasionally kissing her wet skin as he murmured assurances that she was safe, constantly reminding her that he loved her and he wasn't going to leave her.

He wiped her tears away with his thumb once she'd calmed down a little and tilted her chin upwards so he could kiss her lips, "alright?

"I'm sorry" Rita whispered.

Iain turned off the shower and reached for a towel, wrapping the soft fabric around Rita's tiny body as he told her, "you've got nothing at all to apologise for Love, nothing at all."

They dried and dressed before making their way down to reception, hand in hand, where Iain checked them out and asked the receptionist to call them a taxi. It was a short drive back to Iain's home and, after paying the taxi driver, he dumped the bag at the bottom of the stairs and picked up his car keys, "do you want to get something to eat while we're out?" Iain asked as he got into the car, suddenly remembering neither of them had eaten in almost 24 hours.

"I'm not hungry" Rita said quietly, unable to look Iain in the eye once she was in the car.

He reached for her hand, squeezing it softly and stopping her from playing with a loose thread on her t shirt, "you need to eat Rita."

"Can we, can we just get what we need and come back?" Her eyes still didn't meet his.

Iain nodded and gave Rita's hand a final squeeze before starting the engine, "sure."

"You really don't have to do this" Rita reminded Iain as they walked through the shop together, his arm around her waist as she curled tightly into his side.

"I want you to feel safe Rita, if this helps then it'll be worth every penny."

She said nothing, just watching as he picked up new, 'extra strength' door locks and security chains, dropping them into the basket he held before they walked over to an aisle labeled simply, 'home security.'

"Iain" Rita frowned as he picked up an alarm system from a shelf, "that's...no, look at the price, it's, it's…"

"Rita" he put the box down and gently turned to face him, "Mark is a monster. There is every chance he might just have wanted to scare you by doing what he did and that we'll never see or hear from him again but I think I'd rather be safe, and a few hundred quid lighter, than sorry yeah. I want to know that, at least when you're at home you're going to be safe. And, if nothing happens, if he never comes back, then I'll let you say I told you so as much as you like."

Rita simply nodded, she didn't know how to respond, part of her was insisting it was too much, that he shouldn't have to spend so much just because of her, because of the mess she'd brought into his life, but the other half of her was touched that Iain would go to such extremes to make sure she was safe.

Iain filled the basket quickly, picking up an alarm system, sensors to alert them if any of the downstairs windows or doors were opened, keyrings to control the alarm system and even a panic button, just in case he ever had to leave Rita alone in the house. He added a set of CCTV cameras with lights and a large hard drive to the basket before slipping his hand in Rita's and walking over to the till.

"That'll be £784.92 please" the cashier told him once she'd scanned everything through and Rita's face fell.

"Let me pay?" She said, beginning to rummage through her bag for her purse.

"No" Iain said simply, pulling his wallet from his pocket and handing over his credit card before Rita had chance to protest.

"Iain"

"Rita" he kissed her temple. "I'd pay that a million times over if it meant you were safe yeah so stop worrying about it and help me carry them out to the car" he winked cheekily at her as he put his wallet back in his pocket.

He spent the afternoon fitting and testing the alarms and cameras before going to his neighbours to ask them to call the police if they ever heard the alarm going off, he hoped that Mark was gone, that he'd given Rita a fright and he'd never be seen again but he wasn't going to take any chances.

"Why don't we head over to yours, go through things like the police asked? Get it over and done with?" He asked later that afternoon after he'd convinced Rita to eat a slice of toast despite her still insisting that she wasn't hungry.

Rita nodded, "I suppose so."

"We don't have to."

"No, no" Rita stood from the sofa, "it needs doing and you're right, it's probably best to get it done sooner rather than later."

Just like Rita, Iain froze when he saw her bedroom, she'd been right when she'd told the police the room had been trashed. Every drawer had been pulled from the unit, clothes strewn everywhere, the covers and mattress had been pulled from her bed and her wardrobe had been emptied. Her TV laid on the floor, smashed from where it had been pushed from on top of her dressing table and both the curtain rail and blind had been pulled from the wall.

"Iain" Rita whispered, "I, I can't…"

"Are you sure you don't want to keep anything?"

Rita shook her head, "no, no, I… nothing."

"Okay, let's bag everything up and then get out of here."

They worked in silence for a while, Rita working on one side of the room, Iain the other, Rita hardly looking at the things she picked from the floor before tossing them into the bag she held, she felt sick just thinking about Mark being in here, about him looking through her things, touching the things she'd worked so hard to replace the first time round. She had to keep telling herself, she'd walked away with nothing before, she could do it again, she could...she...

"I, I need to get out" she whispered, finally breaking the silence as she tried to organise the thoughts racing through her head. "I can't, I can't stay here anymore, I need, I need to move, I can't, I won't settle knowing he's been here." She'd started imagining her house as their home, it was bigger than Iain's so it made sense they'd move in here. She'd imagined what it would be like to come home after a long shift to know Iain was waiting for her, to be able to see him whenever she wanted without having to call him and wait for him to drive over. She'd even, once or twice, imagined what it would be like to hear the sound of little feet running down the stairs to greet her when she came home from work and now, now Mark had ruined that, her beautiful house couldn't be her home any more.

"It's okay" Iain told her as he pushed her things into bin bags, desperately trying not to show how angry or upset he was by what had happened. He took a deep breath to compose himself as he found a picture of them, it had been torn in half, separating the two of them but then Rita's picture had been torn in half again, "you can move in with me if you want. I mean I know it's not as nice as this place but we can redecorate or we can find somewhere else, together I mean, if that's what you want?"

He carried on clearing up as he waited or her response, picking up the teddy he'd won for Rita when they'd visited a local fair, sighing as he threw it into the rubbish bag, it's head no longer attached to its body. He cursed himself for moving too fast, before turning to face Rita, assuming her lack of reply meant that it was too soon for them to be moving in together.

He never expected to see her curled against the wall, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps as she rocked, frantically trying to fill her lungs with air. He dropped the bag in his hands and raced over to her, falling to his knees in front of her, "take a deep breath Rita."

"I, I can't, I, I'm…" she was desperate, she felt like the room was closing in on her, like she was slowly being suffocated.

"You can" Iain said calmly as he slowed his own breaths down, "sit back against the wall Love, try not to curl up, that's it" he smiled softly as she did as he asked, "now in and out" he said slowly, "in and out, that's it." She reached out, desperately trying to grab at him, needing the reassurance, the comfort she could only get from him, "I'm here" he said softly as he held Rita's hands in his, "I'm not going anywhere, come on, you can do this, nice steady breaths." He smiled as he heard Rita take a shaky breath, "that's it Reet, you're doing brilliantly, you just keep concentrating on your breathing I'm not going anywhere."

It took almost 20 minutes for Rita's breathing to return to normal but it felt like a lifetime for them both, Rita convinced she was going to die and Iain hating that he could do nothing but hold her hand and remind her that he loved her, because he did, and he'd do anything to keep her safe.


	4. Chapter 4

For the record, I think Rita (and some of you) may disagree with my idea of good...

* * *

Rita and Iain returned to work the next morning, and, after arriving early to speak to both Connie and Charlie, it was agreed that Rita would work in resus for a while, that way she'd be less likely to be on her own. They also agreed, with Rita's consent, to inform the rest of the staff so they could all keep their eyes open, not only in case Mark made an appearance, but to be sure Rita was okay.

"Rita" Connie summoned the nurse into her office less than an hour after she'd started her shift, "a word please." Rita nodded and silently followed Connie into her office, sitting in the chair offered to her, "I've spoken to security, the police have already made them aware of the situation."

"Thank you."

Conne took a moment to look at the nurse, she couldn't believe the change in her over the past few days, "is there anything else we can do to help? If you'd like me to refer you to counselling or…"

"No, no thank you" Rita said softly, "I erm, I appreciate the offer but I, I just want to try and forget about it."

"Okay" Connie nodded, "if you change your mind I'm sure you're aware of the self referral process or you can come and ask me and I can…"

"Thank you" Rita nodded, "can I get back to work now?"

"Of course" Connie said, watching Rita leave the office, her shoulders slumped and her head bowed, nothing at all like the strong, feisty woman that had left the hospital a few days ago. Connie made a mental note to keep an eye on the nurse and to speak to Zoe, ask her to try and speak to Rita.

It was another half an hour before Rita saw Iain again after he brought in a patient with Jez. Zoe saw the concerned looks Iain kept throwing in Rita's direction and gently nudged the nurse before nodding towards Iain, "go and speak to him" she said softly.

Rita nodded and made her way out of Resus with Iain, "you alright?" He asked her softly as he held his arms out, Jez taking the trolley back out to the ambulance to give them a minute.

"Yeah" she whispered as she stepped closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her, "just tired and…" she shrugged, "I can't stop thinking about him."

Iain sighed and kissed Rita's head, "I wish there was something I could do."

"It's not your fault" she whispered.

"It's not yours either" Iain replied quickly.

"I should get back to…"

"Rita" Iain gently held onto her wrist to stop her walking away, "It's not your fault." She nodded slightly and he kissed her again, "I love you."

"I love you too" she told him before walking back into resus.

"Everything okay?" Zoe asked as she watched Rita pull on some gloves before walking over.

"Yeah" she nodded, "do you want me to…?" She gestured to a cut on the patient's head and Zoe nodded.

"Please, it just needs cleaning and stitching, I can't see any glass or anything in it."

Rita nodded, "okay" she said quietly as she went to get the equipment she needed.

Zoe frowned slightly as she watched Rita clean and stitch the man's wound, whilst there was no doubting that she was a good nurse, Zoe couldn't help but notice how Rita's hand shook slightly as she wiped the blood from the man's forehead, and the usual casual chat she used to put the patient at ease was absent.

Rita looked up at Zoe once she'd finished, "thanks" Zoe smiled before holding out a small scrap of paper, "could you get Noel or Jack to ring Mr Hanson's daughter please, her name's Kate."

Rita nodded and forced a smile, "yeah" she said softly as she took the paper from Zoe, "I'll go ask them now.

"Thanks" Zoe said, watching Rita walk out of the room before turning her attention back to the patient.

"Rita" Noel smiled up as he saw her walk behind the desk, "what can we do for you?"

"Mr Hanson in Resus, he was in an RTC, can you ring his daughter please?" She held out the paper with her number on.

"Of course" Noel took the paper from Rita, "how is he if she asks?"

"He's fine, he's got a head injury and he was unconscious for a while so we're waiting to send him up to CT but he's not showing any worrying symptoms so we're not expecting it to show anything major."

"Okay" Noel picked up the phone, "I'll give her a ring now."

"Thanks Noel."

Jacob called Rita over after she'd finished talking to Noel, and, after speaking to him for a moment, she turned to head back to resus. She didn't make it though, she'd just passed the reception desk when she felt someone grab her wrist, "'ere, where's me brother?" Rita froze and the man's grip only got tighter, "you listenin'? Where's me brother?"

"I, I don't…"

The man shoved Rita against the wall before stepping closer to her, close enough that she could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned in, "look, either you tell me where me brother is or I'll…"

"You'll do absolutely nothing" Jacob said as he grabbed the man and pulled him away from Rita, "nothing except leave this department right now."

"Piss off, I wasn't talking to you."

"Yeah, well now I'm talking to you" Jacob let security take hold of the man, "and I'm telling you you're leaving" he said, letting the security guard lead the man out of the department as he crouched down to Rita who had slid down the wall and was curled in a ball on the floor, "you alright?" He asked but he got no response, "Rita?" He gently put his hand on her arm and that was enough to startle her back to reality. A rush of adrenaline raced through her system when she felt Jacob's hand on her arm, her heart began to pound against her rib cage, her eyes opened wide in fear, her muscles tensing ready to fight however, when choiced with the options of fight or flight her body chose flight. She sprang from the floor and raced into her office, so fast Jacob barely saw her feet touch the floor.

She only remembered to breathe again once she'd closed, and firmly locked the door behind herself, choking in air in large gasps as she tried to catch her breath after holding it for so long. She reached out, grabbing at her waste paper bin, pulling it closer as she felt her stomach lurch and she began to heave, not that there was anything in her stomach to bring up, she'd barely eaten since she found out Mark had broken into her house.

"Jacob, have you seen Rita?" Zoe asked as she left resus, her patient on his way for a CT scan, she'd been worried about Rita all day, her concern only growing at the fact Rita hadn't returned after speaking to Noel.

"In her office I think" he said before explaining what had happened, "do you want me to…"

"No, no, I'll go." Zoe said, thanking Jacob as she made her way into cubicles and over to Rita's office. "Rita, Rita it's me, are you in there?" There was no answer, so she tried the door, sighing as she found it locked "Rita, it's just me, let me in please."

"Is everything alright Zoe?" Charlie asked as he saw her stood outside the office he shared with Rita.

"No, it's Rita" she gestured to the combination lock, "can you let me in, I…" she struggled to remember the code for her own office when she was clinical lead, she had no chance with other people's, she could barely remember her own phone number.

"Of course" Charlie quickly punched in the number and pushed open the door, "I'll give you some time, you know where I am if you need anything."

"Thanks Charlie." Zoe stepped into the office and sighed when she saw Rita sat on the floor, her body shaking as she sobbed, "Rita" she said softly, kneeling down beside the nurse, "come here" she wrapped her arms around Rita, holding her tightly until she finally calmed down, "Jacob told me what happened in reception."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, no, it's not your fault, look, I know what you're probably going to say but have you thought about seeing someone, Ben, he's really…"

"No, no, I, I don't…" Rita took a moment to compose herself, "talking about it, reliving it again and again isn't going to change what happened, it's not going to make things any different."

"Therapy, counselling, it's not about changing what's happened, it's about finding ways to help you cope with what's happened, to help you move forwards."

Rita shook her head, "I don't, I just want to try and forget about it."

"Okay" Zoe didn't want to push Rita, "Do you want to go home?"

Rita shook her head, "No, Iain's working, I don't..."

Zoe nodded, understanding that Rita didn't want to be at home on her own, "Okay, well, take your time, stay in here for a bit if you need to, if we need you I'll come and get you."

"Okay" Rita wiped at her eyes, "I erm, I might try and get some paperwork done."

"That's fine" Zoe smiled, "like I said, if we need you I'll come and let you know."

"I, I'm probably going to lock the door."

"I'll let Charlie know you're in here, anyone who might need to come in knows the code so it's no problem." Zoe stood to her feet and held out her hand for Rita, "let me know if you need anything yeah?"

Rita nodded, "yeah, thanks"

Zoe smiled at Rita as she left the office, hearing the lock click shut almost as soon as the door had closed, she told Charlie that Rita was locked in the office doing paperwork before making her way to Connie's office and knocking firmly on the door, the clinical lead too confined to her office to wade through an endless pile of paperwork.

"Come in."

"Can we talk?" Zoe asked as she walked through the door, "about Rita."

"Is she okay?"

"Do you really think she's fit to be working? I've just found her crying on the floor in her office."

Connie frowned, "Jacob told me what happened, she was assaulted by a patient's relative, after everything that's happened I don't think it's surprising that she's feeling a bit shaken up. I spoke to her this morning and she said she'd like to try and forget what happened and move on, I think the only thing we can do is respect that and give her whatever help and support we can."

"I think…"

"If you notice that her personal life starts to have an effect on her work, or if you think her being here puts patients in danger then let me know and I'll speak to her again, but, after everything, I'm not prepared to insist she takes leave when having the normality and routine of work is probably going to be a help to her." Connie looked up at Zoe, "I'll keep an eye on her" she promised, "and I'm sure everyone else will too, Rita is a much loved member of the team, everyone's looking out for her, she's not on her own."

Rita managed almost three solid hours in her office before Charlie unlocked the door and poked his head inside, "We've got another RTA coming in, ETA 7 minutes, Zoe says can you give us a hand in resus?"

"Sure" Rita nodded, closing the file she'd been writing on, "I'm on my way now."

The stream of patients into resus seemed never ending, and, if she was honest, Rita was glad of that, the busier she was, the more patients she had to focus on, the less her mind wandered to the things she didn't want to think about.

It was several hours later when the last patient was finally transferred up to a ward and Rita was able to return to her office, intending to do more of the paperwork she usually tried to avoid. She frowned as she saw a sheet of paper balanced on top of the files she'd been working on, it certainly hadn't been there when she'd left her office earlier. Her heart stopped as she took a closer look at the note and realised the handwriting was an exact match to that on the note found in her kitchen, ' _Lover Boy's right, of course you'll be safe... as long as you remember that this all needs to stay our little secret. Do as I ask, remember your place and don't try anything stupid like running back to the police and no one's going to get hurt so just remember that. If anyone gets hurt it will be all your fault_.'


	5. Chapter 5

Rita felt like the floor had fallen from beneath her feet, her knees buckled and she had to grab at her desk to stop herself falling to the floor. She felt sick, she couldn't breathe, Mark had been in the hospital, in her office and no one had noticed him, no one had stopped him.

She collapsed into her chair, her legs no longer able to support her body, she couldn't do this, she couldn't cope, he'd won, he'd won already, she couldn't do this, she couldn't live with the constant fear, the not knowing when he was next going to turn up, what he was next going to do.

Her hands shook as she read the letter again, he knew, he knew she'd been to the police, he'd been watching her. She also knew that Mark meant what he said, that someone would get hurt if she said anything. Her racing heart skipped a beat as she thought about Iain. Maybe she should leave him, he loved her, she loved him but it wasn't fair. She could leave, let Mark do whatever he wanted without dragging Iain down with her, she could walk away and let him find someone else, someone who he could be happy with, someone he wouldn't have to pretend to care about.

She didn't know how she was going to hide this from him. She was going to have to meet him after her shift and pretend that everything was fine, that she wasn't terrified that her ex-husband was going to suddenly appear, that he wasn't going to put her back in the place she was several years ago.

She didn't realise that she was crying until she saw a teardrop splash onto the paper in her hand and she wiped frantically at her eyes, she had an hour before her shift ended, an hour before she was seeing Iain again. She had an hour to pull herself together and convince herself she was and always would be okay. If she could convince herself she was fine she'd be able to convince Iain too.

The note was hidden at the bottom of a drawer in her desk when Iain let himself into the office at the end of their shift, she'd given him the code a couple of weeks ago so he could wait for her when she had a few things left to do, "alright?" he asked as he locked the door behind himself, "I heard what happened earlier."

"Yeah, I, I overreacted a bit" she admitted.

"Hey, no" Iain knelt down in front of Rita and took hold of her hands, "you didn't overreact, you've been through a lot over the past few days, you felt threatened, scared and you reacted how a lot of other people would react so don't feel embarrassed or anything like that. Those people out there, Jacob, they're your friends yeah, they're not judging you or laughing at you, they're just worried about you Love."

Rita just nodded simply, "can we go home?"

"Yeah" Iain stood to his feet and held his hands out, "I'll run us a nice bath and then we can order a takeaway yeah? My treat, your choice."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know" Iain said softly, squeezing Rita's hand as they walked together to the staff room so she could change, "but you've barely eaten in days, I'm worried about you" he admitted.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise" Iain pulled her in for a hug once they were in the staffroom and away from prying eyes, "just say you'll have a bath with me tonight and then share a pizza with me in bed while we watch a film."

Rita nodded as Iain kissed her forehead, "I'll try."

"Thank you" he whispered, kissing her again before dropping his arms so she could go and get changed.

Rita curled into Iain's side on the short walk home, she was exhausted, physically and mentally. The note today had just made things even worse, she knew, for Iain's sake she knew she had to try and keep herself together, to somehow pretend that today never happened and that she was fine.

"Pepperoni?" Iain asked as he helped her shrug off her jacket once they were home.

She nodded, "yeah okay."

Iain pecked Rita's lips and rang a local takeaway before going back over to her, "I've asked them to bring it round in about an hour so we can have that bath first" he told her, "do you want to go and set it running and I'll make us a brew?"

"Yeah okay" Rita nodded, "will you…"

"Yeah" she didn't need to finish, she didn't need to, "I'll set the alarm before I come up, of course I will."

"Thanks" Rita gently kissed Iain's lips before heading up the stairs to start running their bath.

She was already sat amongst the bubbles when Iain arrived in the bathroom after setting the alarm that covered the downstairs of the house and bringing their teas up, "scoot up" he said, waiting for Rita to shuffle forwards before passing her both mugs so he could slip in behind her, allowing her to sit back against his chest.

He smiled as he felt her body melt against him, finally allowing herself to relax now she was safe at home with Iain, "I'm so tired" she mumbled, her eyes closed as she sipped at her tea.

"Well after the pizza how about I give you a back massage and then we have an early night?"

"Yeah" Rita smiled slightly, "I think I'd like that."

They stayed in the bath until the water cooled, Iain getting out first so he could help Rita out. He passed her one of the two towels she'd placed on the radiator before wrapping his own dressing gown around her shoulders, smiling as the thick blue fabric which came to the middle of his calf, almost dragged on the floor as Rita walked through to the bedroom.

Iain pulled on a pair of shorts and a tshirt so he was decent when the food arrived before snuggling into Rita who'd chosen to remain wrapped in his dressing gown, "do you want to watch a film or something?" he asked.

Rita shrugged, "put one on if you want but I doubt I'll be able to concentrate on anything" she whispered, "I'm too tired."

"Okay" Iain reached for the TV remote, and, instead of a film, he flicked to one of the radio channels and turned the volume down low, "you're shaking" he frowned as Rita curled into his side.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise. Let's see if it gets any better once you've had some pizza, you've barely eaten these past few days, I bet your blood sugar's through the floor."

Almost right on cue the doorbell rang and Iain kissed Rita's forehead before making his way down the stairs to get the food. He carried the pizza upstairs with a large bottle of coke and two glasses, pausing halfway up to set the alarm with the fob on his keyring, "here we go, one large pepperoni pizza and some full fat coke to get your blood sugar up again."

Rita smiled, "are we eating in bed?"

"Yeah" Iain nodded, "you look comfortable so why not."

She nodded, snuggling into his side as he got back into bed, resting the pizza box across their laps as he poured out the coke, "get stuck in then" he smiled softly.

Rita managed just a slice and half of the pizza before the knot in her stomach stopped her eating any more, "I'm sorry" she whispered, "it was a nice gesture but I, I'm just not hungry."

"It's okay" he kissed her cheek, "you ate something, it's better than nothing, will you try and eat something in the morning? Just some toast or something?"

"Yeah" Rita nodded, "I'll try."

"Thank you."

Iain finished off the pizza before putting the box on the floor, "do you still want a back massage?" he asked once he'd finished.

She nodded, "please, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not" he kissed her softly, "let me wash my hands and get that massage oil, you get comfy, I won't be a minute."

He came back to find Rita laid on her stomach on her side of the bed, the dressing gown folded at the waist so that it was still covering her legs but her back was exposed. Iain knelt on the bed, carefully straddling Rita's thighs as he dropped a line of feather light kisses along Rita's spine before pouring some oil into his hands, rubbing them together to warm it up before beginning to massage her muscles, tight from stress and worry.

Iain's massage relaxed Rita so much that she fell asleep before he'd finished but Iain didn't stop, he worked his way to the base of Rita's spine before pulling his dressing gown back up to cover her back before he pulled the covers over her. He got back into bed and laid on his side, watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful, like the past few days hadn't happened, like she wasn't almost completely broken. He hated Mark for what he'd done and he hated himself for not keeping Rita safe, for not being able to do anything to make her feel better.

He gently kissed her forehead, being careful not to disturb her, he knew she hadn't been sleeping well so he wanted her to get as much rest as she could before another nightmare woke her. She hadn't mentioned much about her marriage to Mark but from what she had told him he knew it hadn't been good, that Mark coming back had only brought back bad memories for her. He only wished he could keep her safe in his arms for the rest of her life.

Iain too finally fell into a restless slumber, he felt like he could no longer fall as deeply to sleep as he did before all this happened, it was as if he was constantly on edge, unable to completely fall asleep in case Rita needed him.

He yawned a while later as he woke, reaching out for his phone to check the time, 3.27am. He rolled over and reached out an arm only to be met with cold bedsheets instead of Rita's warm body like he'd been expecting. It took him a second before he realised the curtains he definitely remembered closing were open and, once his eyes became accustomed to the semi darkness he realised Rita was sat on the windowsill, her head against the cool glass, watching the raindrops that ran down the window pane in time with the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Reet" he whispered softly, her head snapping almost violently towards him, "sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine" she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of Iain's dressing gown, "I didn't want to wake you either but I knew you'd worry if you woke up and I wasn't here."

Iain nodded, "can I join you?" he asked softly.

"Yeah" Rita whispered, "if you want."

Iain stood from the bed, pulling the duvet with him, "shuffle forwards" he said softly, waiting for Rita to do so before he sat behind her, wrapping the duvet around them both as Rita leant back against his chest, "want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"I'm never going to get away from him" Rita whispered, "no matter how much time passes, how far I move away, he's always going to be in my head Iain, he's always going to win."

"He's not Rita, we won't let him okay? I know right now that it might feel like this is never going to end but it will Darling, it might take weeks, months, it might even take years but it doesn't matter, we'll get through this, we'll move on from what's happened and we'll do it together. You don't have to fight him on your own any more."

"I love you" Rita whispered as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. She wished she could tell Iain about the note, she wanted so much to tell him just how terrified she was of the man she used to be married to but she couldn't. She knew Mark, she knew that he meant what he said, he already knew she'd been to the police and even if he was kidding, even if Mark was lying about someone getting hurt if she told anyone, Rita simply couldn't take that chance, she'd keep it to herself even if it killed her. At least if she was dead she wouldn't have to deal with this any more.


	6. Chapter 6

I only realised once I'd finished writing that there's no Iain in this chapter, there's some Freechamp though if that makes up for the lack of Iain?

* * *

Over a week passed where Rita didn't hear from Mark, it wasn't enough to convince her that he was gone for good though, she knew him, she knew he'd be waiting, he'd be planning something. She knew he wouldn't leave her alone that easily.

She was somehow managing to convince Iain that she was 'okay' that she was moving on and slowly putting what Mark had done behind her. Rita had no idea how she was managing to hide her true feelings from Iain, the panic attacks, the tears, the fear that felt like it was constantly eating away at her, he had no idea. He knew that she still had 'moments' when they were alone together where she broke down in his arms and he knew her sleep was still frequently disturbed by nightmares but he had no idea how vivid, how violent her dreams were.

Rita felt so guilty, she hated that she was hiding things from Iain, she wanted so much to tell him about the note Mark had left in her office but she couldn't risk it, she couldn't risk anything happening to anyone else just because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

The security Iain had installed made her feel safe at home, but at work, the fact Mark had been in her office had her constantly on edge. All her colleagues were worried about her, she'd never spent more than 20 minutes alone in her office without someone finding an excuse to come and check she was okay, even down to Dylan once knocking on her door, "I hadn't seen you in a while" he said when he found her doing paperwork, "I feel better now I've checked you're okay" he'd told her, closing the door and walking off before Rita had had chance to reply.

She still enjoyed her job though, the routine helped and sometimes they were so busy that she didn't get time for a break, she didn't get to sit down and listen to all the voices in her head, she didn't have time to stop and think about anything other than her job and her patients. Those were the days she liked the best.

Rita walked into her office half an hour after her shift started one morning, a huge smile forming on her face as she saw a large bunch of flowers stood on her desk, he'd fiercely deny it but Iain could be such a romantic at times. She ran her finger gently over the petal of a soft pink lily before reaching for the card, slipping it from the small envelope, her breath catching in her throat as she realised the flowers weren't from Iain. She stood frozen to the spot, unable to look away from the card in her hand as she read the words again and again, the paper only slipping from her fingers, floating under her desk as she turned to vomit into her bin.

 _'See how pleasant it is for everyone concerned when you keep your pretty little mouth shut. You do as you're told like a good little girl and no one gets hurt, just remember that. I think I'd probably go for that doctor you're so friendly with first, that one would be easy, imagine it, she goes out for a cigarette and she's never seen again. You know what to do if you don't want it to happen.'_

She felt her chest tighten, she knew she'd never be able to tell Iain that her panic attacks were becoming more frequent, more severe. He'd ask her why and she could never tell him that, if she told him she didn't know why he'd want to get help and she couldn't, this was her problem, she had to deal with it on her own.

She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the thoughts racing in her mind, trying to focus on her breathing. She tried to imagine Iain was there, holding her hand telling her he loved her, telling her to take some deep breaths. It didn't work, she felt like her head was underwater, she couldn't breathe, she was suffocating, and, when black spots started dancing in front of her eyes she knew this was it, she was going to die here and there was a little part of her that was relieved.

She hadn't heard the knock on the door, she hadn't seen Connie step into the office, hadn't heard her begin to ask for some paperwork, she hadn't heard the gasp as the Clinical Lead saw her so obviously struggling to breathe. She was only aware that she wasn't alone when Connie gently turned her chair away from her desk, crouched down in front of her and took hold of her shaking hands. "Rita" Connie said softly but firmly, "Rita, can you look at me?"

Rita slowly lifted her head, briefly noticing the concern on Connie's face. "That's it" Connie said softly, rubbing her thumbs over the back of Rita's hands, Connie had never seen anyone look so terrified, "you're okay, you're having a panic attack but you're okay, you need to try and slow your breathing down okay, in...and out" Rita tried to do as Connie asked, she tried to breathe when she was told, "that's it, you're doing really well Rita, you're going to be okay, just keep your breathing nice and steady, you're okay."

Connie kept talking softly to Rita, running her thumbs over the back of the nurse's hands, and reassuring her that she was okay. It was only once Rita's breathing had returned to a rate Connie was happy with that the clinical lead let go of her hands, standing up to retrieve a box of tissues from Rita's desk and offering them to her. Rita reached out with shaking hands, she hadn't even realised she'd been crying until Connie held out the tissues. Connie waited for Rita to wipe at her cheeks before asking, "do you want me to get Iain?"

Connie saw the fear flood over Rita's face, "no, please, no, he doesn't…" Rita began to get worked up and Connie knew she had to calm her down again before she had another panic attack.

"If you don't want me to tell him then I won't say a word" Connie said before asking, "are you okay to walk to my office?"

Rita nodded, "I think so."

"Okay, come on" Connie thought that getting Rita out of the place where she'd had the panic attack might help, her breaths were still coming faster than usual and Connie would be lying if she said she wasn't worried about Rita. "Steady" she reached out to grab Rita as she stumbled forward, her legs feeling like jelly.

"I'm sorry" Rita whispered before beginning to sob, "I'm sorry."

Even Connie was surprised when she pulled Rita into a hug, rubbing circles on her back to try and comfort her, "you're okay, you don't need to apologise."

It was almost an hour after Connie had walked into Rita's office when she finally returned back to her own office, "sit down" she said to Rita, "I'll make you a cup of tea." Rita nodded, moving to sit on the sofa without another word, "do you want to go home?" she asked as she sat beside her a few minutes later, two mugs in her hand.

"I...no" Rita said quietly, "I don't like being there on my own."

"Because of Mark?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think he's the reason you had a panic attack or is there something else?"

"I, I've had a few since he broke into my house" Rita admitted, "none as bad as that one though."

"Does Iain know?"

Rita nodded, "he was there the first couple of times but now, I…" she shrugged, "he thinks I'm getting over it, I don't want to worry him."

"Have you thought about seeing someone, a therapist I mean? Or at least speaking to your GP?"

Rita shook her head, "I, I just want to forget about it."

"I know you do but if you're having panic attacks that severe Rita then, my professional opinion, would be that you would be wise to speak to someone and get some help, but I'm sure you know that so whilst I will tell you that is what I would recommend as a doctor, I'm not going to force you if it's not what you want to do."

"Thank you."

Connie sat with Rita until she finished her own tea, "I'm going to check on my patient in Resus, I don't want you working just yet, take some time to get yourself together first, take as long as you need, you can stay in here for as long as you need to."

"Thank you." Rita whispered, "for everything."

When Connie returned to her office a while later she found Rita had fallen asleep on her sofa, she couldn't blame her, Connie knew from experience exactly how exhausting a panic attack could be so she simply made her way over to her desk to get on with her paperwork, leaving Rita to sleep.

Rita woke a while later, Connie had been called to assist in resus so Rita was on her own. She frowned slightly as she sat up, she couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep in Connie's office. She took a minute to get herself together, still feeling slightly groggy, a feeling she was getting used to after the panic attacks that only seemed to be getting more frequent.

She slowly made her way to her office, she picked up the card from the floor by her desk and placed it in her desk drawer with the note she'd received before picking up the flowers, she knew people would ask questions if she simply threw them in the bin so she carried them through to the staff room, placing them on the counter before quickly retreating back to her office.

She sat at her desk, her head in her hands as tears began to roll down her cheeks, something else that was becoming a regular occurrence. She couldn't do this, she couldn't take any more, she needed Mark to either leave her alone or to get on with whatever it was that he was going to do. She knew he wouldn't. She knew he'd be enjoying dragging it out, it was obvious he was watching her and she knew he'd be enjoying watching her suffer, he'd break her down piece by piece just like he had in the past. She knew if she wanted this hell to end then she'd have to do something to end it.

"You okay?" Charlie asked when he found Rita, staring blankly into the drugs cabinet.

Rita jumped slightly, she hadn't heard him come in, "yeah" she lied, "yeah."

"Are you looking for something?" he asked, knowing how hard it was to sometimes spot what you needed, at the end of a long shift all the boxes seemed to look identical.

"No, yeah, I mean I know it's not really allowed" Rita quickly thought of an excuse, "but I've got a banging headache, I was going to self prescribe a couple of paracetamol."

Charlie laughed, quickly finding the open box, "here" he pulled out a strip of the tablets, "just this once, I won't tell if you won't."

Rita forced a smile, "thanks Charlie."

"It's alright, try and drink plenty of water too, if you're dehydrated that'll only make the headache worse but then you probably know that already don't you?"

Rita nodded, slipping the pills into the pocket on her uniform, "thanks."

She collapsed into her chair once she was back in her office, she wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed that Charlie had come in before she'd had chance to take anything and that terrified her. There was a chance, even if right now it seemed miniscule, there was still a chance, that one day she'd be free from Mark and the fear he imposed upon her but she knew, no matter how hard she tried, she'd never be able to run from the demons in her own head.


	7. Chapter 7

This is going somewhere eventually, I promise!

* * *

It had been a month since Mark had broken into Rita's house and everyone was worried about her, she'd withdrawn completely, she hardly ate, she barely slept due to the nightmares and panic attacks that disturbed her every single night. She was running herself into the ground and everyone felt powerless to stop her. Mark had won, both Rita and Iain knew that, he might not physically be controlling her, but her mind, her mind was his, a constant stream of 'what ifs' echoing in her head. She was still getting the notes from Mark, the last one reminding her that he wasn't planning on leaving her alone any time soon.

 _'I haven't forgotten about you, I'll be in touch soon to tell you what you need to do, and you'd better do it or we might have to find out if LoverBoy will still want you when your pretty little face isn't so pretty and we wouldn't want that now would we Darling, I'd hate that just as much as you.''_

She'd somehow managed to avoid Iain finding out about them, the notes all hidden in the bottom drawer of her desk, she couldn't tell anyone, she knew Mark meant what he said, him hurting her she could deal with but the fact he'd already threatened to hurt Zoe turned her stomach, she couldn't let anyone else get hurt because of her own stupidity.

The only place Rita ever felt truly safe was in Iain's arms, they'd been lucky that they'd managed to work similar shift patterns for so long, the slight variations meaning they'd go in and leave work together, one of them usually waiting in the staffroom either for the start of their shift or for the other to finish, Iain knew Rita didn't want to be in the house on her own, that she didn't want to be too far from him and he did everything he could to avoid that happening.

"Rita" Iain said softly, "I erm, I've got to do some night shifts next week" he told her calmly one evening, "I've tried to swap but we're really short staffed and…" he'd hoped that the first time they'd been on opposite shifts would have seen him on days and Rita on nights so she could at least get used to being on her own in the daytime, if he was honest he didn't know how she'd cope spending the night alone.

"Oh right" she'd said, panic already beginning to set in, 'what if Mark was watching the house?' 'What if he knew she was home on her own?' 'What if he broke in again?' She had to force herself to keep breathing, she couldn't let Iain know how scared she was, she couldn't make him think he couldn't leave her on her own. She was a grown adult, it wasn't fair that Iain felt like he needed to constantly be looking out for her, he should be free to do whatever he wanted without her holding him back.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Iain asked, "I erm, I could ask Zoe if she'd come round or…"

"No, no I'll be fine" Rita tried to convince both herself and Iain, "I'll set the alarm and stay upstairs" she told him, "I'll be fine.

"Okay Love, but if you change your mind I'm sure someone would…"

Rita shook her head, "I'll be fine Iain, don't worry about me."

"I can't help it" Iain said softly, "I love you Reet, I'll always worry you."

The day of Iain's first night shift arrived quickly, and Rita was already upstairs, curled up on the bed when he left. He kissed her, reminded her he loved her and told her to call him if she needed anything before he left, making sure to set the alarm for the downstairs of the house on his way out.

"Are you going home?" Iain asked, walking into the department just as Ethan and Cal were walking out.

"Yeah, we've bought a sega megadrive" Cal told him, "we're going to relive our childhood as I beat Ethan at every single game we've got."

"Will you do us a favour? I'll make it worth your while the next time we're in the pub."

"What is it?" Cal asked

"Will you stop off at mine and check on Rita? It's the first time I've worked a nightshift and she's been at home on her own since Mark came back."

Ethan nodded, "of course, we'll let you know how she is."

"Thanks, she erm, just between us, she's had a couple of panic attacks since everything happened so…"

"Nah, don't worry about it mate, we'll go and see she's okay" Cal said, patting Iain on the back before leaving the department with Ethan.

Cal knocked on Iain's door after a short drive from the hospital, "she's not answering" he called back down to Ethan who was waiting in the car, "do you think she's gone out?"

Ethan got out of the car, dialling Rita's number as he walked up to his brother, "she's not answering either."

"Ring her again" Cal frowned, waiting for Ethan to do so and pressing his ear to the wood, "I can hear her phone ringing inside."

"Rita" Ethan called as he knocked on the door, "it's Ethan, it's just me and Cal, can you let us in? It's just us, there's no one else here." They heard the scrape of the locks turning before the door opened just a crack, "it's just me and Cal" Ethan said softly, "we just came to see how you were."

Rita closed the door once she saw it was just Cal and Ethan, slipping of the chains so she could open the door properly, "Iain's at work" she said quietly, her red eyes giving away the fact she'd been crying.

"I know" Rita seemed to be responding to Ethan so Cal hovered by the door, letting Ethan do the talking, "are you okay?" he asked.

"I…" she shrugged, "I don't know."

Ethan held his arms out and Rita gratefully accepted the hug, more tears beginning to fall. "Why don't we pack you a bag?" Cal suggested, "you can come and stay with us til Iain's home so you're not on your own."

Ethan nodded, "shall we do that? Cal's bought a retro games console, he think's he's going to, and I quote, 'completely thrash' me on all the games he's got. You can help me beat him."

"Thank you" Rita whispered, "I…"

Ethan smiled softly, "let's get you some things together yeah?"

"I'll let Iain know" Cal told them both, "so he doesn't worry when he gets home."

"Thank you" Rita whispered.

Ethan went upstairs with Rita to pack a bag as Cal rang Iain, "Cal mate" he answered quickly, "is Rita alright?"

"She's a bit upset" Cal told him, "I think she's scared about being her on her own, she's upstairs with Ethan, packing a bag, she's going to come and stay with us tonight, I just didn't want you to worry if you came home and she wasn't here."

"Cheers Mate, look after her won't you."

"Yeah, course we will, you know we will."

"Will you, will you tell her I love her?" Iain asked quietly.

"Yeah" Cal smiled, knowing it wasn't the right time to tease his friend, "of course I will."

"Thanks, and tell her I'll give her a ring later when I'm on my break."

"Alright. Don't worry about Rita, she'll be alright."

"I know mate, thanks."

Ethan came back down stairs a while later with Rita, a black holdall on his shoulder, "right, I think we should go to the supermarket on the way home, get some snacks and things for our slumber party."

"Slumber party?" Iain teased, "what are you, a 14 year old girl?"

"No I…"

"Chill Nibbles, you know I'll never say no to, well, nibbles" he laughed at his own joke before looking at Rita, "I called Iain so he didn't worry about you, he asked me to tell you that he loves you and that he'll call you later when he gets a break."

Rita spent the evening sat on the sofa between Cal and Ethan, she'd turned down actually playing the games but occasionally pointed out something to help Ethan as he was trailing considerably behind his brother. She had to admit, she certainly felt less stressed, less worried now she wasn't at home on her own. She wasn't sure if Ethan would be much use if anything happened but he seemed good at keeping her calm, making her relax slightly and she knew Cal was like Iain, that he'd try and protect her as well as he could.

"You okay?" Cal asked, grabbing a handful of popcorn whilst Ethan went to make another cup of tea for himself and Rita, Cal sticking to the beers he'd bought from the shop.

"Yeah" Rita said quietly, "thanks for letting me stay."

"It's alright, are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

Rita shook her head, "I'm okay thank you."

"Everyone's worried about you Rita, we…" Cal sighed softly, he'd never been great at expressing his feelings "we, we just want you to be okay."

"I'm sorry" Rita dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Hey, no, don't apologise, just, just let us know if there's anything you can do for us yeah?"

Rita sat in silence for the rest of the night, only speaking when Iain rang her like he promised he would. She spoke briefly to him in the privacy of Ethan's bedroom, reassuring him that she was okay, that Cal and Ethan were looking after her and telling him that she loved him.

Cal offered to sleep on the sofa that night, letting Rita sleep in his bed. She couldn't settle though, every time she closed her eyes Mark was there, leering at her, grabbing at her, his hands all over her body. She wanted Iain, she needed Iain to hold her closely, she needed Iain to tell her everything was going to be okay.

It was a little after 2 when she pulled herself out of bed, gently padding through to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water, she'd given up attempting to sleep, she felt guilty that Cal had given up his bed but she couldn't sleep, she just wanted to be at home with Iain.

"Hey" Cal said softly as he stood in the kitchen doorway, "are you alright."

"I erm, I was just getting some water, is that okay? I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't" Cal said, walking into the kitchen and getting himself some water, "and of course, it's fine, help yourself to whatever. I think Ethan's got some horlicks or something somewhere if you fancy it, to help you sleep?"

Rita shook her head, "I erm, you can have your bed back, I don't think I'll sleep, not without Iain."

"Would it help if I came in with you? I mean to sleep on the floor or something?" Rita shrugged, "why don't we try it?" Cal suggested, "only if you're comfortable with be being in there with you?"

Rita nodded, "you erm, you can share the bed if you like, I mean we're both adults."

"Okay" Cal smiled, "if you're sure you can resist me" he winked cheekily, "I'll just grab my pillows and then I'll be in."

"Cal" Ethan mumbled sleepily, walking out of his own room, just in time to see Cal following Rita into his own, "what are you doing, I thought Rita was staying in there?"

"She said she can't sleep without Iain, I asked if she thought sharing would help, why don't you come too, make it a real slumber party? And at least if this ever gets out you can back me up and say I didn't try anything."

Ethan nodded and followed Cal into the room, "Cal, I can't believe you didn't tidy up, Rita, if I'd have known I'd have let you have my room, I'm so so sorry" he said as he took in the state of his brother's room.

Rita shrugged from where she sat in the middle of the bed, the duvet pulled up to her chin, "I don't mind."

"Well" Call flopped onto the bed, "I don't know about you two but I'm suddenly wide awake, how about a film?"

Ethan nodded, "sounds like a good idea to me, shall I get the popcorn?"

Cal rolled his eyes, "you'll be asking me to paint your nails next, any preference?"

"Anything but a horror film."

"Rita?" Cal asked, anything you'd like to watch?

Rita shook her head, "I don't mind."

"Okay" Cal stuck a DVD in the player and grabbed the remote, "don't complain if you two don't like it then" he said as he got into bed.

It didn't take long, Rita didn't know if it was the fact that a small light had been left on, the soft noise of the TV or the fact she felt safe sat in between Cal and Ethan but it didn't take long, less than half an hour into the film her body gave in and her eyes fluttered closed, her body slumping into Ethan's as she finally fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Massive thanks to Milly for her help with this chapter!

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The notes kept coming, the collection of scraps of paper growing by the day or so it seemed, at least once a week she'd walk into her office to find something else waiting for her, something to remind her that Mark wasn't ever going to leave her alone, his last note, received just a few days ago echoing around her head, just like all the others ' _A man has needs Rita you know that. I had someone willing to see to those needs but now, because of your stupidity, because of you interfering I haven't anymore, I don't think that's fair do you? Don't worry, I'm sure we can come to some agreement about how you can make it up to me, I'll let you know when I've decided what you can do for me.'_

She'd started to pull away from Iain, from everyone. She felt guilty that everyone felt like they had to support her, they had to try and make her 'better' but she knew they were wasting their time on her, Mark was right, she was stupid, useless and soon everyone would realise that, they'd realise how awful she really was and that they'd been wasting their time with her. It was for that reason she'd decided it was for the best that she shut everyone out, if her behaviour, her attitude made people leave her alone then that was a bonus, she'd end up on her own eventually so, in her opinion, it was better that it was done under her own terms.

It was breaking Iain's heart to watch Rita fall apart, he'd tried everything he could to help her but nothing had worked, she was slowly beginning to shut down, she was building walls to keep even him out and there seemed to be nothing he could do to get through to her. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd broken down in the shower, grieving for the woman he loved, the Rita he used to know. It was becoming an almost daily occurrence, the warm water hiding his tears, he felt like watching Rita self-destruct was tearing his heart in two. He'd never let on to her though, by the time he left the shower, any trace of his emotions were gone, whatever she was fighting was already too much for her, he couldn't have her worrying, feeling guilty about him too.

At least she'd managed to stop the nightmares. She simply didn't sleep any more. She'd had barely a wink since she'd started insisting that she and Iain slept on their own side of the bed, not even their fingertips brushing as she laid staring into the darkness. That was what hurt Iain the most, the gulf between them felt wider than the grand canyon as he too laid in bed, wide awake, desperate to help Rita the only way he knew how, desperate to hold her in her arms, to kiss her, to make her feel safe again, but, for a reason only she knew, she wouldn't let him.

He wasn't going to give up though, whenever he could he told her he loved her, that she was beautiful and that he'd be there for her whenever she needed him. He hated that there was nothing else he could do there was nothing he could do to stop the woman he loved more than anything in the world, from hurting, nothing he could do to take away her pain, if he ever saw Mark Ritchie again he'd kill him for what he'd done to Rita, there was no doubt about that.

Everyone in the department had noticed the change in Rita, even the most innocent of questions could have her biting someone's head off, she snapped at almost everyone that came close to her and, as much as she hated to admit it, the lack of sleep and her fear that she constantly needed to be checking over her shoulder for Mark had started to affect her work.

Charlie, Connie, Zoe, Ethan, they'd all covered for at first, all stepped in before anything too serious happened but it had come to the point where they couldn't cover for her any longer and she'd been told that until she 'got herself together' she could only treat the most minor of injuries and the rest of her shifts were to be spent doing paperwork. That was the thing that hurt her the most, Mark was slowly but surely pulling her life apart, no matter how hard she tried she was falling apart and that was exactly what Mark wanted.

"What?" she sighed exasperatingly when she heard a knock at the door, why couldn't anyone leave her alone.

"I'm just taking my break, wondered if you fancied a cuppa?" much like Iain, Zoe refused to let Rita push her away without a fight.

"I'm busy" she said coldly.

"Okay" Zoe said softly, "I'll be outside having a smoke if you change your mind" she smiled.

Rita sighed and let her head fall into her hands once Zoe had left, she was exhausted, she wasn't sure how much longer she could do this for, she needed to find a way out and she needed to find it fast.

"What is it?" she snapped a while later as someone walked into the room without knocking, "I'm busy." She wasn't, she just didn't want to have to interact with anyone right now.

Charlie held his hands up in surrender, "sorry" he apologised, putting an envelope on the corner of Rita's desk, her name handwritten in black ink on the front, "Noel asked me to give you that, someone left it at reception for you."

"Right" Rita nodded, not bothering to open the envelope as she went back to her work.

"Do you…" he trailed off slightly, he wanted to help Rita if he could but he'd like to avoid having his head bitten off.

"Do I what Charlie?"

"I'm going to the canteen, do you want a sandwich or anything?"

"No I'm fine."

"Right well, you know where I am if you need me" he said before leaving the office, not wanting to risk staying and starting an argument with the volatile nurse.

It was with shaking hands that Rita picked up the envelope once Charlie had left, it could only be one thing, it was him. Again.

 _'Thanks for patching Chris up last week for me, I told him you'd make sure he was alright. He says thanks for the orange juice and grapes. You bought me grapes one time, do you remember, after I had my appendix out? They were horrible. You fucked up the most simplest of things. You are useless. I bet LoverBoy thinks the same but of course he wouldn't say that. He wouldn't say anything against you. He pities you. He's only with you because he feels sorry for you but sooner or later he'll find out just how much of a mess you are. You'll screw it up just like you always do, you're just prolonging the inevitable. He won't be able to forgive you like I can, like I always did. He doesn't love you like I do. You'll screw up but don't worry my Darling because when you do I'll be waiting to pick up the pieces just like I've always done before.'_

She wiped at her eyes as she placed the note with the others in her desk, Mark was right, she was falling apart and it wasn't fair on Iain. She knew he'd never leave her, he was a good man, he'd feel guilty for leaving her but he shouldn't have to stay with her, he shouldn't have to put up with all the shit she was bringing into his life, no, she'd have to find her own place, go back to her house. It didn't matter that the thought of going into her bedroom made her feel sick, she never slept anyway. She'd go back to her house, she'd make Iain realise she was doing him a favour, that he was better off without her in his life, all she ever did was mess things up and hurt people, Iain wasn't the only one that would be better off without her.

She knew instantly what she had to do, and logged onto her computer, opening the NHS jobs website. It would break her heart to leave Holby, to leave Iain and the life she'd made for herself since the first time Mark had pulled her life apart but she knew she had to do it, this mess was her fault, it wasn't fair that she pulled anyone else into it with her.

Her hands shook as she logged onto the website, there was a job vacancy for an ED nurse in Edinburgh, that was about as far from Holby as she could get, she could pack up her things and leave, start again on her own. She wouldn't make the same mistakes this time, she wouldn't let herself get close to anyone, she knew Mark would find her sooner or later but at least if she didn't have anyone else, at least if she was on her own then no one else would get hurt and she'd soon get used to being on her own.

Any other time she'd realise this was exactly what Mark wanted, this was exactly why he'd been sending the letters, why there was no schedule to them arriving, he wanted this. He wanted her to fall apart, to isolate herself. He wanted to wear her down, he wanted to break her, he didn't want her able to fight back. It was all part of the master plan, to convince her he knew what was best, to make her feel like he was all she deserved, and only then would he tell her exactly what he wanted her to do, and she'd agree, he knew she would, she'd be too broken to argue.

Her eyes filled with tears as she thought about leaving Iain. She loved him. He was the only man who'd ever loved her unconditionally, the only man who'd ever respected her, who'd made her feel safe. She just had to keep telling herself that it was for the best, that she was doing this for his benefit. She'd leave and he'd forget about her, find someone worthy of him, someone who wouldn't ruin his life the way she would eventually.

She jumped, woken from her thoughts when the door to the office swung open a while later and she looked up to see Iain smiling down at her, she wanted so much to walk over him, to wrap her arms around him, to lay her head against his chest. She wanted to feel safe, to be loved but instead she reminded herself for what felt like the millionth time that she was doing this for him, that he'd be better off once he realised she wasn't good for him

"You don't have to wait for me" she told him coldly, not daring to look him in the eye for fear she'd break down.

Iain shrugged, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, "what if I want to?"

"I can't stop you but I'm perfectly capable of walking home on my own."

"I know you are" Iain thought it best to point out that it wasn't long ago that she was terrified to be on her own, this complete change of attitude scared him, he couldn't help but wonder if something else had happened in the past couple of weeks, he knew she wouldn't talk to him though and he didn't want to argue with her trying to get her to talk. He walked behind Rita's desk, heading for the coffee machine, "do you want one?"

"What?" she closed the NHS jobs website down and span in her chair, "look" she sighed, head in her hands, massaging her throbbing temple, "can you just give me some space?"

Iain put the empty mug down, "yeah, if that's what you want" he paused briefly by her desk to kiss her forehead, right above where her fingers were, "I'll wait in the staffroom, try and drink some water" he said softly, "it'll help with the headache" she didn't even need to tell him about the ache slowly spreading between her eyes, he could tell from the way she sat that she was in pain, he didn't however know just how often she'd started getting the headaches. He walked over to the door without a word, pausing just before he opened it, "I love you" he said softly, "nothing's going to change that Reet. I'm not going anywhere, whenever you're ready, I'll be here for you."

Rita bit her lip, waiting for him to close the door behind himself, tears rolling down her cheeks as she whispered into the empty room, "I love you too."


	9. Chapter 9

Here it is, the chapter where you find out what Mark has been building up to I didn't realise quite how long this chapter was until I came to post it though! I'd love to hear what you think.

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Rita was falling apart, she knew it, she knew Mark was winning, he was breaking her down, piece by piece he was breaking down the front she'd worked so hard to build up. She truly believed his words, that she was stupid, useless, that she always screwed up everything, everyone she was ever involved with.

She was still pushing everyone away, an action that was exhausting her, putting on a front, pretending she was okay, that she wasn't constantly terrified was tiring enough but now, not only pretending she was 'fine' but pretending she didn't need anyone, she didn't want cuddles with Iain or coffee with Zoe… she wasn't sure how long she could keep it up for, something was going to snap soon and Rita only hoped that she didn't take anyone else with her when she fell.

She wanted to do nothing more than curl up somewhere with a large bottle of vodka, she wanted to drink until she passed out, until she could remember nothing. She wanted to be wrapped up in the comforting nothingness that only alcohol could provide. She knew she couldn't though, Iain would never let her, Iain wouldn't let her do that to herself, not whilst he was still pretending to care about her.

She hated that he was caught up in all of this, she hated knowing Iain wanted to protect her, that he'd do anything to keep her safe yet she couldn't tell him about the things, the people that he needed to save her from the most. She knew she could never tell him about the notes, she knew what Mark would do if she did, an almost constant stream of notes reminded her of that, and she knew, she knew he'd never understand if she asked him to save her from herself.

Almost as frequently as she thought about alcohol she thought about leaving Iain, she knew he and everyone else would be better off without her. She knew that if she left Iain he'd find someone else, someone he could be happy with. Someone who didn't have as much baggage as she did and someone who wasn't constantly looking over their shoulder for their psycho ex-husband. Iain deserved better than her, she knew that, he deserved someone who wasn't terrified of life, someone who would go out with him after work, someone didn't have to go straight home and lock themselves in the house, someone who didn't jump at every little noise. He deserved to live his own life, to go out with his friends if he wanted to without having to worry about her having a breakdown because she was home alone. That's why pushing him away seemed the best option, he needed to realise how toxic she was so he'd let her go without a fight. So he could move on and live the life he deserved with someone who deserved him.

She spent a lot of time lost in her own world. No longer able to treat anything but the most minor of injuries after a series of mistakes she found herself sat in front of a stack of paperwork as her mind would wander, daydreams of a life without Mark, without fear. She dreamed of the day she could be happy with Iain, being able to get on with her life without feeling like she was constantly being watched, she dreamed of a day she knew would never come.

Everyone was worried about her, everyone could see her falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair, Rita could feel herself falling, but there was nothing anyone could do, there were no lifelines, no ropes strong enough to pull her out. She'd been offered help, Iain, Connie, Zoe, Ethan, had all suggested she tried talking to a therapist, even Dylan had suggested she made an appointment with Ben. With the benefit of hindsight Dylan realised Rita had only been trying to help him when his OCD was at it's worst and now, now he wanted to return the favour, he knew how hard it was to accept help but he also knew how liberating it was to actually get that help, for someone to remove the weight from your shoulders.

Rita had always refused help though, she knew she couldn't tell anyone why she felt the way she did, that would mean telling them about the notes and the threats. That would mean someone she cared about getting hurt because of her so she continued trying to carry on on her own, trying to distance herself from everyone. Maybe if Mark realised she had no friends, that no one cared about her, she'd be the only one that got hurt. Every single day was a struggle, especially without Iain's kisses and cuddles to make her feel better, every morning she told herself all she had to do was make it through to the evening, that was all she had to do.

It had come to the point where she was so worried about finding another note that she rarely went in her office anymore, she'd go in, get what she needed and then sit in the staffroom to do her paperwork. No one judged her, they all assumed she didn't want to be in her office alone and people were always in and out of the staffroom and Rita was happy to let them believe that.

There were times when everyone's concern was too much for her, when all she needed was some peace, some time to herself where she could desperately try to arrange the thoughts racing through her mind, time to try and weigh up her options and make a decision on what to do with herself. It was moments like that when she found herself seeking solitude on the roof. No one bothered her up there, no one even knew where she was. She knew she should be grateful for the fact everyone cared so much about her that they felt they had to constantly check she was safe, that she was okay but sometimes their concern was overwhelming, sometimes she just needed to be alone.

She didn't even remember making a conscious decision to go onto the roof, it was only as she pushed open the fire door and felt a cool gust of wind wrap around her body that she realised where her feet had taken her. She hated this, she hated not being in control of her own life. She felt like someone had filled her chest with concrete, weighing her down and making even the simple act of taking a breath feel like it took more energy than she had. She wanted this to end, she wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare, she wanted to wake up in her own bed, in Iain's arms. She wanted to tell him all about it, she wanted him to hold her and kiss her hair as they laughed at how silly it was that she'd dreamt about Mark coming back after so long. She wanted this to end.

Jez leaned back against the ambulance as he waited for Iain who'd gone into the ED to look for Rita, he frowned as he saw a flash of blonde hair on the roof of the department, it couldn't be… Almost right on cue Iain walked out of the doors, "Mate…"

"I couldn't find her, Zoe thinks she's treating someone in cubicles."

"She's on the roof." Jez gestured to where he'd just seen Rita

"What" Iain frowned, "there's no one there. You think I'm old, you've started seeing things."

"Nah mate, I swear she was right there a minute ago. I'm not having you on."

Iain nodded, Jez knew how worried he was about Rita, they might enjoy a bit of banter occasionally but Iain knew Jez would never joke about this, "I'll go up" he said, heading back inside. He'd barely made it into the department when he saw Rita, "you alright?" he asked, his hands firmly in his pockets so he didn't overstep the lines Rita had drawn by pulling her into him.

"Yeah" she nodded, folding her arms across her chest, resisting the urge to wrap them around him, she needed him to stop loving her, to realise she wasn't worth his time or effort.

"Where have you been? I came in looking for you but couldn't find you."

"I've been to the loo" it wasn't a lie, she'd gone into the ladies to sort herself out on her way back to the department, "you know what it's like when it's busy, you don't pass up on an opportunity to go" she said, forcing a smile.

"As long as you're alright yeah" he nodded

"Iain" Jez called him over as he walked into the department, "we've got a shout.

"See you later" Iain smiled, wanting nothing more than to kiss her forehead the way he had so many times before, "I love you" he told her, no matter how much she pulled away, no matter how far she distanced herself from him he'd never stop reminding her that he loved her.

"Yeah" Rita whispered, "I love you too" she couldn't help it, the words slipped out before she could stop them. Mark was right, she really was stupid, useless.

Rita was just about to head back to her office for some more paperwork when she heard Connie calling her name and she raced over to Rita, a worried look on her face, "where have you been? We've been looking for you everywhere." She didn't wait for an answer before gently pulling Rita into an empty cubicle, "I erm, don't panic" she said softly, "but there have been reports that Mark's been seen in the hospital." Rita's legs buckled beneath her and she grasped at the bed but it was Connie's arms that kept her upright, helping the nurse onto the bed with a strength Rita didn't know she had. "You're okay" Connie told Rita, "we're not going to let him get to you. Security and the police have been informed, I want you to go to my office, lock the door and don't let anyone inside, anyone at all okay."

Rita nodded, "okay."

"Have you got your phone?" Connie asked and Rita shook her head, "here" Connie gave Rita her own mobile, if I need you or I need to get in then I'll ring you first okay?" Rita nodded silently and Connie smiled sadly at her, "come on" Connie held out a hand to help Rita from the bed, "I'll walk you to my office."

Connie told Rita to make herself comfortable in her office, to help herself to the tea and biscuits on the side, only walking away once the blinds were closed and she'd heard the lock on the door click, "has anyone found Rita yet?" Zoe asked, walking over to Connie.

"Yes, she knows the situation" Connie nodded.

"Where is she?"

"I think the less people that know that the better but she's safe. Now, I think the next time Iain comes in then he should be told, I'll speak to control, see if I can get him the rest of the shift off to take her home."

Zoe nodded, "I think that would be a good idea."

"Zoe" Iain smiled as he wheeled the patient into the department, "this is Alice Norton, 24, pedestrian hit by a car at about 30 miles per hour…"

"Cal" Zoe interrupted Iain, "can you take this, Iain can I have a word when you've done the handover."

"Yeah" Iain frowned, "sure" he said before beginning to reel off the patient's details to Cal, "what is it?" he asked, finding Zoe once he'd done what he needed to do.

"I need you to stay calm, but Mark's been seen in the hospital, security and the police are aware but…"

"Where is she?" Iain began to panic, "where's Rita?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know, what if he's got her what if…"

"No" Zoe interrupted Iain, "Connie knows where she is and she says she's safe but obviously she doesn't want everyone knowing where Rita is."

Iain nodded, "Where's Connie?"

"I think she's in cubicles…"

Iain nodded and raced into cubicles, "calm down" Connie said softly when she saw him, "you don't want to scare Rita, now, I've spoken to ambulance control, you've both got the afternoon off so you can take Rita home and stay with her."

Iain nodded again, now slightly calmer, "where is she Connie?"

"She's in my office" Connie told him, "do you have your phone?"

"Yeah."

"Can I borrow it?" Iain frowned but took his phone from his pocket anyway, unlocking it and handing it over to Connie. Connie dialed her own number, Rita answering after just the second ring, "It's Connie" she said softly, "I've got Iain, we're going to come to the office, I'll knock twice so you know it's me."

"Okay" Rita's voice shook, "okay."

Connie handed Iain his phone back and made her way to her office, knocking twice on the door, "it's me" she said. She heard Rita's shaking hands fumble with the lock before it clicked open, Connie stepping back to allow Iain to wrap his arms around Rita's waist, her body melting against his, her tears still wet on her cheeks as she allowed him to hold her for the first time in weeks.

"You're okay" Iain pulled Rita into him, "I've got you, you're going to be okay" he whispered as he kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly to try and keep his own tears at bay, he hadn't realised quite how much he'd missed the feel of her in his arms until now.

"Take as long as you need" Connie gestured to her office, "just let someone know when you're going home."

Iain thanked Connie before moving Rita back inside the office away from prying eyes. He sat on the sofa, holding her tightly until her tears finally stopped, "do you want to go home now?" he asked as he dropped another kiss to her hair, wanting to make the most of her letting him be close to her.

Rita nodded, "please, I need to get my phone out of my office though."

"Okay" Iain grabbed some tissues from the box on Connie's desk, "I'll come with you."

"Iain" Zoe called his name just as they were about to walk into Rita's office.

"You go get your phone" he told Rita, "I'll be right outside" he promised before looking up at Zoe, "yeah?"

"Is she okay?"

Iain shrugged, "not really, she's really shaken up but I'm going to take her home, will you let Connie know we've gone?"

"Of course" Zoe nodded, "I'll tell her now, but give Rita my love yeah, and if there's anything either of you need you only have to call" she said.

Iain nodded, "thanks Zoe."

"It's okay" she smiled slightly as she went off in search of Connie.

Rita meanwhile was trying to pull herself together before she went out to Iain, he couldn't know, she could never tell him about the single sheet of paper she'd found laid in the middle of her desk. She'd felt her heart stop as she read the note, that was it, he'd gone too far, she couldn't do this any more, she needed it to stop, she needed to be free. She couldn't let Iain get hurt because of her and she knew there was no way she'd be able to live without him. She took a second look at the note as she placed it, with the others, in her desk, the words echoing round her head as she picked up her phone,

' _You seem to have forgotten, you promised me 'til death do us part' Well guess what Rita, neither of us are dead...yet. So let me put it simply. You meet me in the park by the old bandstand at 10am on Tuesday or you might find yourself living without lover boy and you know me, I don't make empty threats.'_

She decided, as she slipped her phone into her pocket that there was only one thing she could do. She didn't have the luxury of choice any more.


	10. Chapter 10

I found this chapter really hard to write, so I'd love to know what you think to it.

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Even something as simple as putting one foot in the other seemed to take more effort than Rita felt like she had since she'd found the last note from Mark. She was back to sleeping in Iain's arms again, or so he thought, she might be in his arms but she certainly wasn't sleeping. She laid awake every night, fighting back tears as she thought about what she was going to do, about what she had to do.

She wanted to say goodbye, to make sure Iain knew she loved him without actually saying the words, without him knowing what she was planning to do. If he ever found out he'd stop her and, as much as she hated the idea, she knew what she was doing was for the best.

Iain had been surprised by the complete change in Rita's attitude, once again she'd begun clinging to him like he was her lifeline, the only thing keeping her afloat, she'd gone from not wanting to touch him to barely wanting to leave his side. A simple shift at work almost killed her, Mark had been seen in the hospital, the police had seen him on CCTV yet he still hadn't been found, he was still out there, still biding his time.

She didn't even dare do her paperwork in the staffroom anymore, if Connie was in her office she invited Rita to work in there with her and Rita would work in her own office if Charlie was in there but when Connie and Charlie were both treating patients Rita would set up camp at the nurses' station in the middle of cubicles, she didn't even go to the toilet unless someone else was going too, she couldn't stop Mark coming back, she couldn't stop him finding her but he could stop him finding her alone, at the hospital at least.

It was killing Iain to watch her falling apart, her complete change of attitude had, once again, worried him, but he could only imagine how shaken she'd been to find out Mark had been in the hospital. He'd never complain about her needing him though, he might not be able to 'fix' her, he might not be able to get back the Rita he'd first fallen in love with but he'd hold her and kiss her and tell her he loved her as often as she needed him to, he'd do whatever it took to help her cling on to some tiny hope that everything would, one day, be okay.

The week seemed to pass by faster than Rita had ever known time move before. She still didn't sleep, choosing instead to spend her nights watching Iain, laying against his side as she tried desperately to force each moment into her memory, the smell of Iain's aftershave, the feel of his breath against the top of her head, the sound of his heartbeat. She knew that their time together was coming to an end, that soon she'd have to walk away, she'd have to leave to save him and she knew she'd never be able to let another man into her life, she'd never find anyone else like him. She wouldn't want to.

Rita could feel her heart breaking, the ache in her chest getting heavier, more intense with each day, each hour that passed. Monday morning came, and, although she'd much rather spend the day curled up in bed with Iain, they both had to go to work. Everyone noticed the, seemingly over night, change in Rita, she constantly seemed on the verge of tears, desperately trying to keep herself together when she was so close to falling apart. She wanted nothing more than to tell everyone she was leaving, to get a chance to say goodbye, she wanted to hug everyone, to thank them for everything they'd done for her, for putting up with her for so long, for loving her, for making her feel at home in Holby, but she couldn't. If she told them she was leaving they'd ask questions, questions she couldn't answer, it'd get back to Iain. It broke her heart to know that, at the end of her shift she'd have to tell all her friends she'd see them tomorrow and then she'd have to walk away, knowing she'd never see them again.

She walked into her office, planning to get the files she needed and get straight out but her heart stopped when she saw a padded envelope on the desk, her name printed on the front. She opened it, pulling out a piece of paper, the sight of Mark's handwriting all too familiar on the page, ' _Wear something nice tomorrow. I like these but don't worry, I've got others if you want to change. Nothing white though, that would be hypocritical of you!_ ' Rita frowned as she reached into the padded envelope. If she'd eaten anything recently she knew she'd be vomiting right now, she pulled out a matching set of pale green lace underwear. Underwear she recognised as her own, underwear he must have stolen from her house when he'd broken in.

Her legs turned to jelly and she sat down in her desk chair, trying to pull herself together, trying to collect herself. If she started crying now she'd never stop. She could do it, she could do this, she just had to get through the next few hours and then this would all be over, less than 24 hours and she'd be gone.

She walked home, hand in hand with Iain, "I want to have sex" she told him once he'd locked the door, her voice quivering as she whispered "please?"

Iain lifted Rita's chin carefully to look her in the eye, "are you sure?"

Rita nodded, "yeah."

Iain kissed Rita's lips softly, "we'll do it on your terms yeah? You change your mind just tell me and we'll stop okay?"

Rita nodded again, "can we go up to bed?"

"Of course" Iain stroked her cheek softly, "you go up and get ready, I'll lock up, put the alarm on and come and join you."

She was already undressed when he walked into the bedroom, the duvet pulled up to hide her frail body, she'd barely eaten since Mark had returned, just a few mouthfuls here and there, nothing substantial. Iain sat on the edge of the bed, instantly noticing the tears pooling in Rita's eyes, "we don't have to do this Love, not tonight."

"No" she whispered, a lone tear rolling down her cheek, "please... I want to."

"Are you sure?" he asked softly as he wiped away the tear with his thumb. Rita nodded, not trusting herself to say another word. Iain smiled softly and nodded, his clothes joining Rita's on the floor by the bed as he joined her under the duvet, "how do you want to do it?"

"Sit up" she said softly, "let me sit on your lap?"

Iain did as Rita asked, "okay?" he asked her once she was settled, kissing her gently once she'd nodded, "I love you" he whispered, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ears, "you know that don't you?"

"Yeah" Rita nodded, brushing her lips against Iain's, "and I love you too."

They sat together for a while, their hands exploring each other's bodies as their tongues danced together. It had been so long since they'd been this intimate that Iain noticed every single change in Rita's body, he felt every single bone that protruded through her skin, he hadn't noticed just how much weight she'd lost until now, she hadn't been naked in front of him for months, even changing in the bathroom each night, but, as Rita decided she was ready to take things further, he realised now wasn't the best time to bring it up.

Rita lifted herself from Iain's lap slightly, unable to hold her tears back any longer as she gently lowered herself onto him, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she began to move against him. "Hey" Iain put his hand on her cheek, "we don't have to do this Rita, if it hurts or… we can stop"

"It doesn't" she whispered, her head against his chest as she rocked her hips backwards and forwards, "it doesn't hurt, I don't want to stop" she told him, her tears still falling, "please don't stop. Please" she sobbed.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried so much, Iain was so soft, so gentle with her, she couldn't believe that this was the last time they'd do this, the last time she'd ever feel so loved, the last time she'd ever feel like someone wanted her.

Iain could do nothing, he didn't want to break Rita any more than she already was, and he got the impression she wasn't going to let him change her mind about this so he did all he could, kissing her softly, whispering that he loved her and wiping at the tears rolling steadily down her cheeks.

She collapsed against his chest a while later, her sobs harder and louder than ever before, her tears wet on his shoulder, "Oh Reet" he whispered, trying to keep his own tears at bay, "you're okay, I've got you, it's alright." He didn't know that his words were the reason her sobs only increased. She knew that she wasn't okay, and that things probably would never be alright again for either of them. She wished she could stay like this, safe in Iain's arms but she knew what she had to do, she was doing it for them both, she was doing it for him.

She eventually cried herself to sleep, still sat on Iain's lap, his arms around her waist as he sat on the bed, he was slightly uncomfortable, leant back against the headboard but he didn't care, if this was what it took for Rita to get some decent sleep then he'd sit like this every night, "I love you" he whispered as he gently pressed his lips to her temple, "whatever's going on in your head I hope you know that I love you."

"You not ready to go?" Iain asked as he walked into the kitchen the next morning to find Rita sat at the table, still in her pyjamas.

"No, I erm, I've got a dentist appointment, it must have slipped my mind, I cleared it with Charlie yesterday."

"Oh right" Iain smiled, "will you be in later?"

"Yeah" Rita lied, "about lunch time."

"Okay" Iain kissed her cheek, "I'll see you later then, hope you've not got too many cavities" he kissed her again, "have a good day, I love you." He was just about to leave the kitchen when he heard her weakly call his name, "yeah?"

She stood, walking over to him and wrapping her arms tightly around his middle, inhaling deeply as she leaned her head against his chest, "I love you" she whispered, desperately trying to hold back her tears, trying to keep her voice steady.

Iain smiled and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her head as he told her, "I love you too Reet." She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, she couldn't believe she was doing this, that as soon as she let go of him he'd go off to work and that would be it, she'd never see him again. "You alright?" Iain asked as Rita finally pulled away, "I can ring work if you want, come to the dentist with you?"

Rita shook her head and forced a smile, "I'll be alright, you get off, I, I'll see you later."

"Yeah" he kissed her forehead, "You certainly will" he winked cheekily, "love you."

Rita forced a smile, biting her bottom lip to stop it quivering, "I love you too." Iain kissed her head a final time, flashing her a smile before grabbing his jacket and leaving the house. Rita waited until she heard the door shut, the click of Iain's key in the lock until she broke down, huge sobs shaking her whole body as she collapsed back into her chair at the kitchen table, her head falling into her hands as she cried. She hated this, hated knowing she was going to break Iain's heart but most of all she hated herself for doing it. She wanted Iain, she wanted him to hold her, to kiss her, she wanted this to be over she wanted to be safe, to feel loved. She wanted to be happy again.

She saw a notepad and pen on the side, a half scribbled shopping list in Iain's writing on the open page. She wanted to explain everything, she wanted him to know that she was doing this for him, to save him. She sat at the table, staring at the blank pages, how could she explain it? How could she tell him that she loved him but was leaving him, she wanted to tell him that she was better off without her, that he'd be able to find someone else now, someone who deserved him. Someone who wouldn't put him in danger. She tried, her vision blurred by her tears as she tried time and time again to find the words to try and make Iain understand but those words never came so she simply jotted down seven short words, it was nowhere near enough to express everything she wanted to say but they were all she had. ' _Iain_ ' she'd written simply, ' _I love you and I'm sorry_ '. She propped the note up against the kettle, taking her house keys from her bag, placing those and her phone beside the note before heading upstairs to change from her pyjamas.

It didn't take her long to change, she didn't bother with make up and she simply pulled her limp hair back into a messy ponytail. She sighed softly as she walked downstairs, catching sight of a photo of herself and Iain on the table in the hall. She picked it up and kissed her fingers before gently laying them on Iain's face in the picture, "I love you" she whispered, "I love you so much" she said, placing the photo back on the table, taking a final look at the photograph, at the house, the life she was about to leave behind before leaving the house, desperately trying to hold back her tears. She could do this. She needed to do this, "you're doing it for Iain" she told herself, taking a deep breath before beginning to walk down the road.


	11. Chapter 11

Iain's day was dragging, the morning had been unusually quiet and he'd just been sat around talking to Jez, unable to go and see Rita as he knew she wouldn't be in yet, but as soon as lunch time came around he suddenly found himself rushed off his feet, barely able to do the handover for one patient before being called out to the next and it was a little after three when he finally had a few minutes spare and went in search of Rita.

He'd just handed a patient over to Connie in Resus so he knew Rita wouldn't be in the Clinical Lead's office, the staff room was empty and a quick search of cubicles didn't reveal the nurse either so he walked over to her office and knocked on the door, not waiting for an answer before poking his head into the office where Charlie was working alone.

"Charlie" Iain frowned as he stepped into the office, "have you seen Rita?"

Charlie frowned and looked up at Iain, "I was going to ask you the same thing."

"What do you mean?" Iain's frown grew.

"She didn't turn up this morning, I thought you'd know if she…"

"She hasn't been in?"

"No I…"

"What time is it?"

"Just gone three."

"Fuck"

"Iain?"

Iain ran a shaking hand over his face, "did she, did she say anything to you yesterday? About coming in late?"

"No, why?"

"Fuck, fuck…" Charlie saw Iain was shaking and led him to a chair in the office, "she erm, she told me she had a dentist apointment, she said she'd told you about it and she'd be in at lunch, I… fuck…" He reached into his pocket, his hands trembling as he dialed Rita's number, the panic inside him only increasing when the call went straight to voicemail, "Reet, it erm, it's me" he tried to hold back his tears, "give me a ring when you get this yeah? I erm, just let me know you're okay. I, I love you." He ended the call, quickly dialling the house phone, sighing when there was no answer, "where is she Charlie?"

"I don't…"

"I need to find her" he told Charlie, "I, I'm going home I, I need to find her. I need…"

"Iain" Charlie looked at the younger man, "do you erm, do you think you should ring the police?"

"You think it's Mark don't you?" Iain voiced the thought that worried him the most.

"I don't know" Charlie said honestly, "he left that note when he broke into Rita's house, it might be worth just letting them know, if you don't find Rita at home obviously."

"Yeah, I erm, I need to phone her dentist too, see if she made it to her appointment, and we, we've got CCTV on the house, if he came, if, fuck Charlie, where the hell is she?"

"Go home" Charlie told him, "go home and see if she's there. If she isn't there, call the police, and call me, let me know what's happening. I'll call control, tell them you've had to go and sort out some family problems."

Iain nodded, "thanks Charlie, I'll give you a ring later."

He raced out of the department, shouting an apology but not stopping as he bumped into someone on his way out. Charlie meanwhile made his way to Connie's office, knocking firmly on the door before stepping inside when he heard Connie invite him in, "I've just spoken to Iain, I think we might have a problem with Rita…"

Iain raced home, he didn't care about anything other than getting home, he didn't care about anything but finding Rita, she had to be safe, there was no way Mark could have gotten to her. She'd have fallen asleep on the sofa or something, he'd find her and they'd both laugh about how much he'd over reacted. She was safe he told himself over and over again, she had to be, he didn't know how he'd ever live with himself if she wasn't.

"A problem?" Connie raised one eyebrow, "has she still not turned up?"

"No" Charlie took it upon himself to sit in the chair opposite Connie, "and Iain seems to think she was coming in. He said she told him she had a dentist appointment and she'd be in at lunch time" Connie glanced at her watch, "she told him she cleared it with me yesterday but she didn't say a word."

"Have the police been informed?" Connie and Rita had grown closer over the past couple of weeks, she'd noticed the little changes, the bags under her eyes, the way she barely spoke any more and she'd be lying if she said she didn't immediately begin to worry about the younger woman.

Charlie shook his head, "Iain's gone home to see if she's there, I've told him to call the police if she isn't...she was in here with you yesterday wasn't she?"

Connie nodded, "yeah, I had some paperwork to do so she came in here to do her own paperwork."

"And she didn't say anything to you?"

"No, nothing, she told me she'd see me tomorrow, I didn't…" she shook her head, "I had no idea."

Charlie nodded, "fingers crossed Iain finds her at home."

"Indeed" Connie nodded, her mind filled with worry for the nurse she'd recently started to see as an ally and not an enemy.

"I told Iain I'd ring ambulance control, tell them he'd had to leave to sort out some family business, do you think you could...it would probably have more clout coming from you."

"Of course" Connie nodded, "I'll call them now, is Iain...will he let us know?"

Charlie nodded, "he said he'll ring me when he gets home."

"Okay, will you let me know when you hear from him?"

"Of course."

"But for now?"

Charlie nodded, "we'll keep it between the two of us until we know anything."

"Rita" Iain yelled as he flung the door open, frantically trying to put the code into the alarm to turn it off so he could search the house, "Rita." It took him three attempts to punch in the right numbers and he charged upstairs, reasoning that, if the alarm was on, she wouldn't be downstairs, "Rita" he called for a third time, flinging open all the doors, the knot in his stomach getting tighter and tighter with each room he found empty, "Rita" his voice began to quiver, "Rita please…"

He felt only slightly relieved when he opened the wardrobe and drawers to find all Rita's clothes still there, her phone charger still plugged in by her side of the bed, if she'd left him she'd have taken her things. He told himself that something must have happened, that she'd been delayed at the dentist, that she'd be home soon.

He slowly made his way back down the stairs, freezing as he saw Rota's bag where she always left it, on the bottom step, beginning to panic again knowing she wouldn't have gone out without it. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled Rita's number again, "it's me again" he decided to leave another message, "I erm, just let me know you're safe Reet, I love you." He ended the call and sat down on the sofa, his elbows on his knees his head in his hands. He couldn't help but fear the worst, he knew something had happened to Rita but he knew the police were unlikely to do anything until she'd been missing more than a couple of hours.

He wandered over to the tv, setting up the hard drive of the CCTV to play back through the TV, if something had happened to Rita, if Mark had been here maybe the police would be more likely to do something. Iain stayed knelt on the floor, reaching out to touch the screen when he saw Rita leave the house a little before 10am. He paused the footage, desperately trying to hold back his tears as his fingers brushed against the image of her face almost as if he'd be able to reach into the screen and bring her back, bring her home.

He pulled himself to his feet a few minutes later, there didn't seem to be anything suspicious on the CCTV, so he made his way into the kitchen, splashing his face with cold water in an attempt to calm himself down, Rita was fine, he told himself. There'd be a reasonable explanation to where she'd gone, why she hadn't turned up to work. She'd be home in a couple of hours, she'd tell him where she'd been and he'd hug her and kiss her and then he'd spend the night holding her tightly as she curled into his chest where she belonged.

Iain spent a moment leaning against the sideboard as he tried to calm himself down, tried to make himself believe that Rita was absolutely fine, but he couldn't rid himself of the feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him something wasn't right.

He picked a mug up from the draining board and walked over to the kettle, if Rita wasn't back by the time he'd had a cup of tea he'd ring the detective who was in charge of their case, the one they'd spoken to first when Mark had broken into Rita's house and again just a few short days ago when he'd been seen in the hospital.

Iain's heart stopped, the mug slipping from his hands and smashing against the cold tiled floor as he saw Rita's phone and house keys placed neatly beside the kettle alongside a sheet of paper bearing his name. He noticed his hands shaking as he unfolded the paper, tears once again filling his eyes as he read her words again and again. What was she apologising for? Where was she? Why hadn't she taken her phone with her? No, he shook his head as he pulled his own phone from his pocket, there was something about this that didn't sit right, a feeling in the pit of his stomach that told him there was something wrong with Rita and he'd never be able to live with himself if he didn't do anything. He scrolled through his contacts until he found the number he wanted, "It's Iain Dean" he told the detective who'd answered after just two rings, "you asked us to let you know if we had any more problems with Mark, I can't be sure that he's involved but I think Rita's gone missing."

Charlie meanwhile returned to his office once Connie had cleared Iain's departure with ambulance control. He tried to continue with the paperwork he'd started that morning but it was no use, even though his phone was on the desk right beside him, he found himself almost constantly checking to make sure he hadn't missed a call or a message from Iain. He tried to tell himself that no news was good news and that the only reason he hadn't heard from the paramedic was because he'd found Rita at home, God, if that was true he'd have to have a word with her in the morning about the fright she'd given them all. He didn't know what he'd do if Iain hadn't found her, if he hadn't been in touch because he was busy dealing with the police.

Connie knocked on Charlie's door as the end of the shift neared, he'd promised to let her know when he heard from Iain, "any news?" she asked, stepping into the office, closing the door behind herself after Charlie called her in, she'd spent a vast amount of her afternoon calling Rita's mobile, unaware that it had been left, turned off, in the kitchen.

"No" Charlie shook his head, "I thought about calling him myself but…" he shrugged, "I'm hoping that no news is good news and he's so relieved to have found her that he's forgotten to let me know."

Connie nodded, "I hope so" like Charlie, Connie didn't know what she'd do if Iain didn't find Rita, if something had happened to her. "She's been pretty down about everything with Mark" Connie frowned, "you don't think she…"

"Rita?" Charlie frowned, "I, I don't think so. I mean I know she hasn't been herself but…" his heart was racing at the thought, "she knows we're all here for her, she wouldn't...would she?"

"I don't know" Connie said honestly, "she seemed quite withdrawn yesterday, more so than she has been, I just assumed she was still shaken after the thing with Mark last week."

Charlie frowned, "do you think I should call Iain, see if he's found her?"

Connie nodded, "yeah, maybe you should." Charlie picked up his mobile and easily found Iain's number in his contacts, Connie watching, hearing only Charlie's side of the conversation, her heart sank when it became obvious that Rita wasn't at home. "He's on his way to the police station" Charlie said, ending the call after reminding Iain that he only had to call if he needed anything. "Rita's keys and phone were at home but she wasn't there, he's got CCTV outside the house and she left about an hour after he did this morning. He's called her dentist too, she hasn't had an appointment in over six months..."


	12. Chapter 12

I'm so sorry that it's been so long since I updated this, I fell out of love with (and stopped watching) Casualty, and lost all inspiration and motivation for this fic but I am determined to finish it, it's still the only fic I completely planned out before I started writing. I can't however proise any sort of regular updates, I feel like I'm in a better place now than when I started writing this fic and I'm finding it harder to get into the headspace I need to be in to write this.

I'll stop rambling now, but I'm sending a massive thank you to anyone who's still reading!

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Rita groaned softly as she fought against the fog in her head to open her eyes, she knew almost instantly that something wasn't right but it took a moment or two to remember what had happened, what she'd done. She'd given in, she'd gone with Mark, if he had her then the people she loved would be safe. She closed her eyes, thinking of Iain, trying to imagine that she was at home with him instead of, instead of wherever she currently was. She tried to imagine Iain's voice in her head, Iain telling her she was safe, that she loved her, Iain trying to keep calm, the last thing she wanted was for Mark to find her in the middle of a panic attack.

She didn't need to move, didn't need her eyes to adjust to the darkness to know Mark had tied her wrists behind her back, she was lucky this time, usually he tied her ankles together too. She didn't care any more, the most important thing that was everyone else was safe and she knew Mark wouldn't go back on what he said, she was what he wanted, now he had her he'd leave everyone else alone. Rita desperately blinked back tears as she felt herself losing the fight against the fog clouding her head, she was a nurse, a little part of her knew she should probably be worried about what Mark had done to her, about why she could barely keep her eyes open but right now she didn't care, she didn't want to fight it, she welcomed the darkness that was currently creeping into the edges of her vision. She knew that if she gave into the darkness her subconscious would kid her that she was safe, she could dream of Iain, of the man who loved her unconditionally even though he deserved so much better than her, the man who was probably celebrating the fact she was gone. She let her eyes fall closed, using her last thought before darkness consumed her to pray to anyone who was listening that she'd be lucky enough to never wake up.

Rita was wrong, Iain wasn't celebrating her disappearance, he'd already spent several hours with the police, he'd given them the CCTV footage of Rita leaving and they'd managed to find CCTV of her walking into the park not far from the house but then there was nothing, she'd simply walked into the park and vanished. He felt like he'd been questioned for days, telling the police about how withdrawn Rita had been, her sudden change of mood the night before, and, although he hated to admit it, he wasn't completely surprised when one of the police officers tried to prepare him for the worst, suggesting that Rita may have taken her own life, a thought that made him want to vomit.

He'd called Charlie once he'd left the police station, breaking down in tears as he told the older man what had happened and what the police had said. Charlie didn't tell Iain that he and Connie had come to the same conclusion as the police, instead he drove straight over to the paramedic's house to spend the night trying to comfort him as he desperately wracked his brains, trying to work out what had made Rita leave.

The next time Rita woke she could feel fingers running through her hair, tugging on her scalp as they caught on the knots, she couldn't remember the last time she'd brushed her hair. She knew instantly that it wasn't Iain playing with her hair and she felt bile rise from her stomach at the thought of Mark touching her but she knew there was probably much worse to come and it would be better for her if she didn't fight him.

"Wakey wakey sleepy head" Mark said, his voice sickeningly sweet as he saw Rita stir, "I've bought you something to eat, you've lost weight Darling, I can tell he hasn't been looking after you as well as he should have been"

"Mark" Rita groaned as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to sit up, her body falling limply against him, her head feeling like it was made of cotton wool, her eyelids made of lead.

"I've got you Babe, and I'm going to look after you, you're lucky, a lot of other men wouldn't forgive you for what you've done but I will" he said, brushing his lips against her temple, "do you want some water?" Rita nodded and Mark reached for a glass on the tray he'd bought with him and placed the straw between Rita's lips, waiting for her to finish before holding a sandwich to her lips, "this is how much I love you Rita, you betrayed me but I'm still going to look after you, I wish it didn't have to be like this, I wish you could be in the house with me but you need to learn, I'm doing this to make you a better person."

Rita nodded, reluctantly taking a bite of the sandwich, her stomach was churning but she knew not to anger Mark, "thank you" she whispered between bites.

"You're welcome Babe" Mark told her, kissing her temple again.

As she ate, Rita began to become more aware of her surroundings, she was sat on a, relatively clean, mattress, a blanket over her lap, and, if she wasn't mistaken, her head had been on a pillow when she woke. The room had no windows, the only source of light coming from a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling and the staircase in the corner of the room gave away the fact she was in a basement somewhere.

She wasn't sure how but she managed to finish the sandwich Mark fed her and nodded slowly as he kissed her again and told her to get some rest, promising that he wouldn't leave her for long and that he'd be back to see her again soon. She curled up in a ball on the mattress, her stomach holding out long enough to hear the click of the door at the top of the stairs as Mark locked it behind himself, she barely had time to lean her head off the edge of the mattress before she heaved and vomited onto the concrete floor, she knew Mark wouldn't be happy, but right now, she just couldn't bring herself to care.

Each minute felt like a week for Iain as he paced backwards and forwards in his living room, unable to sit still, desperately fighting the urge to run, to search every corner of the planet until he found Rita. He was so lost in his thoughts, replaying every minute from the past few days, analysing every single moment, wondering if he'd missed something, if Rita had shown any signs that she was going to leave, that he didn't hear his phone ring until Charlie tapped him on the shoulder and held out the phone, "It's the police".

Iain sat heavily on the sofa, his legs unable to support his weight as the police told him they'd been to Mark's house, intending to take him in for questioning, only to be told by his neighbour that he'd left, about the same time Rita had that morning. He was only slightly relieved to be told that police weren't letting that stop them, they still wanted to question Mark and they'd put out an alert to all border control forces, Mark wouldn't be able to leave the country without the police finding out, and, if for whatever reason he came into contact with police in the UK, they too would be aware that he was wanted.

"Mark left his house this morning about the same time Rita left here" he told Charlie once the call had ended, "they've given his details to other police forces and to border control in case he tries to leave the country and they're going to his parents, to find out if he's been there."

"That's good" Charlie nodded before noticing the look on Iain's face, "isn't it?"

"I guess so" Iain sighed before looking up at Charlie, "it's been almost 9 hours. What if it's too late? What if he's already left the country? What if he's taken her with him?"


	13. Chapter 13

I'm so glad that people still want to read this fic!

* * *

Mark wasn't lying, he didn't leave Rita alone for long, but when she woke, to the feel of something brushing against her face, she had no idea if she'd been asleep for minutes, hours or weeks. She tried to reach out, brush off whatever was on her face but the sharp tug of the rope against her wrists immediately reminded her of where she was and what she'd done and she felt herself wretching, her stomach churning at the thought of being alone with Mark, of being without Iain.

"What has he done to you Babe?" he asked, "you wouldn't be being sick if he'd looked after you, now…" he dropped the damp cloth he'd been using to wipe Rita's mouth and pulled another stip of fabric, "I'm going to take you upstairs so we can give you a shower, but you need to wear this." Rita didn't fight him, barely having the energy to hold herself up as Mark tied the fabric around her eyes, "I'm doing this for your own good" he told her, "you hurt me when you left Rita, but it's okay" he said as he easily lifted her into his arms, "I can forgive you, I know you were confused, that you probably didn't realise what you were doing. I can forgive you but you still need to be punished. Once you've realised what's best for you, what you need, we can start again, you can go back to being the good wife I know you can be."

"Thank you" Rita nodded meekly as Mark sat her on the closed toilet lid, her stomach churning again as she felt him undress her, Mark debating with himself on whether or not he could trust Rita if he untied her hands before deciding he couldn't and simply tearing the thin cotton from her shaking body and cutting away her bra before lifting her into the lukewarm bath he'd already run.

"You're tired" he said as her body slumped against the side of the bath, not mentioning the sedatives he'd been feeding her, just in case she fought back, just in case he hadn't worn her down enough already, "let's get you washed so you can go back to sleep" he said, reaching for the sponge and beginning to wash her frail body.

Charlie meanwhile was still trying to comfort Iain, he'd made a quick phone call to Connie who'd told them both to take the next day off, something Iain had reluctantly agreed to, he didn't want to sit around doing nothing but he knew he'd be no use to anyone at work, and, no matter how unlikely it seemed, he wanted to be home if Rita came back.

"I can't remember" he whispered, "what if I didn't?" he looked up at Charlie, unshed tears shining in his eyes, "what if she left, what if she…" he couldn't bring himself to think it, never mind say it, "and I'd forgotten to tell her that I love her?"

Charlie smiled sadly, "I'm sure you did tell her" he tried to reassure him, "but even if you didn't, Rita knew, she knows you love her Iain, love is more than those three words, everything you do for Rita shows her how you feel, I'm certain that whether you said it or not, she knows exactly how you feel about her."

Rita didn't move as Mark washed her trembling body, simply nodding in agreement when he told her she'd lost weight, agreeing that Iain hadn't been taking care of her even though she knew Mark couldn't be more wrong, she even nodded when Mark told her that Iain had never loved her, that he was the only man that knew how to take care of her. She didn't agree with him, she'd just learnt in the past that it was far better to go along with him, not to disagree. She tried to block out what was happening, think back to all the times she'd shared baths with Iain, she tried to kid herself that she was safe at home, that she was in a bath full of warm water and bubbles, that it was Iain washing her, Iain looking after her, loving her, but it wasn't enough, her brain wouldn't let her forget that she had no idea where she was, sat in a few inches of lukewarm water as her violent ex husband washed her.

She stood as still as she could, her body shaking, from fear and cold, as Mark dried her off once he'd lifted her from the bath, the wet rope biting into the delicate skin of her wrists. He allowed her to use the toilet before wrapping something, she'd later find out it was a pale blue dressing gown, around her shoulders and carrying her back down the two flights of stairs to her prison.

It didn't take Rita long to fall back to sleep, her body still overwhelmed by the sedatives Mark had been giving her, and, only once he was sure she wouldn't wake did Mark untie the rope around her wrists so he could dress her before retying her wrists and heading back into the house, leaving Rita alone in the darkness.

She woke a few hours later, she didn't know if it had been hours, days or even weeks since she'd last been awake and if she was honest, she didn't really care, she was probably going to be stuck here for the rest of her life, she was just going to have to get used to it.

She couldn't stop her mind from thinking back to what she'd done, to the moment she'd walked away from Iain leaving just a few short words as an apology, she wished she'd have been able to stay, or at least to find the words to tell him how much she loved him, how grateful she was for everything he'd done, for how long he'd tried to love her despite all her faults and flaws.

She remembered closing the front door, walking down the street, her legs like jelly, barely able to support the weight of her body as she walked towards the park. She remembered walking over to the bandstand, briefly considering turning and running when she saw Mark already waiting for her, her heart stopping and bile rising in her throat as she remembered his threats, she had to do this, she had to go with him to protect the people she loved, the people who pretended to love her.

Mark had grabbed her hand once he'd seen her, to anyone else it would seem to be a romantic gesture, but not for Rita, Rita could feel his grip around her hand, a little too tight to be friendly, his nails digging into the back of her hand as he tugged at her arm, dragging her towards his car.

They'd driven in silence, Mark not saying a word once he'd bundled her into the passenger seat , he had no intention of telling her where they were going, he had no intention of her finding out, Rita had betrayed him, she hadn't been the wife he deserved, then, instead of understanding her mistakes and trying to better herself, she'd left him, tried to make out he was the one in the wrong and then shacked up with some other man. Of course Mark wasn't going to tell Rita his plans, not when she deserved to be punished, she deserved everything he was going to give to her.

Rita remembered stopping at a service station, Mark grabbing hold of her wrist in the car, hissing in her ear that she'd be in trouble if she didn't behave. He'd allowed her to go to the toilet as he waited outside before instructing her to sit at a table in the food court, warning her not to move as he went to a nearby coffee shop.

She hadn't seen Mark drop the sleeping pills into her coffee before he'd given it to her, but she soon felt the effects, her head beginning to swim, thoughts jumbling into one another as she tried in vain to keep her eyes open, a fight she quickly lost, her head lolling forwards as she allowed the darkness to take over. She had no idea how long they'd driven for, she had a vague recollection that they'd been heading south when they left Holby but she didn't know if that had been a cover, she felt bile rise in her throat as she thought the same thing Iain had thought several hours earlier, what if he'd driven to the coast? She knew Mark's friends, he could easily have laid his hands on fake passports, taken her across the channel and she felt her heart break at the thought she'd never get to see her colleagues, her friends again and she couldn't stop her tears falling as the knowledge that her life would never be the same again. She'd known it all along, she'd known she was making a sacrifice, she was giving herself to Mark so the other people in her life would be safe and she knew she'd made the right decision, but as she laid on that mattress, cold, lonely and afraid, she only wished she'd had the courage, the strength to say a proper goodbye to the people and the life she'd left behind.


	14. Chapter 14

Days, weeks, months, years even. Rita had absolutely no idea how long she'd been tied up in that basement. What she did know was that Mark was rapidly getting sick of her, of the fact she couldn't do anything right, he bought her food, she wasted it, anything she did manage to eat was usually vomited almost straight back up, she didn't blame him for not wasting food on her any more. He barely came down to see her any more either, but she couldn't blame him for that either, she was a horrible person, she'd betrayed him in the worst way possible, she deserved to be left alone, Mark was right, she deserved to be punished. He'd reminded her time and time again that this was all her fault, if she'd behaved herself, if she'd have done as he told her, she'd be in the house with him but she hadn't, she'd let him down and she was trusting him to teach her the error of her ways. At least she'd only hurt Mark and not Iain too, Iain had pitied her, tolerated her, it was true, Mark was right, Iain hadn't loved her, if he had, if he'd really cared he'd be looking for her but he wasn't and that was why she was still there, Iain was probably glad to be rid of her.

She didn't know that her picture was plastered on almost every lamppost in Holby, flyers on the ED reception desk giving details of the detective that should be contacted should anyone see her or Mark, there'd been reports on local and national news bulletins and several newspapers had also reported her disappearance, how Mark was wanted for questioning by the police. She didn't know that, with 4 figure sums from several consultants, not just in the ED, and smaller donations from other members of staff in the hospital, there was now a reward of over £20,000 being offered for any information on her whereabouts. She didn't know that most of the staff had her picture on their phones, spending endless amounts of time showing it to strangers, asking if they'd seen her. If Rita thought Iain, that the whole department, the entire hospital wasn't doing anything to try and find her then she'd never been more wrong about anything in her life!

3 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours and 16 minutes. That was how long it had been since Iain had last seen Rita, since he'd kissed her lips and left the house, assuming he'd see her just a few short hours later. He tried to stay hopeful, that one day he'd see her again, get to kiss her and hold her closely, but he felt that hope ebb away with each minute that passed.

He'd gone back to work, he'd felt like he needed to, desperately hoping the routine, the familiarity would bring comfort to him, would help him keep himself together, would help him carry on, so that he'd be able to be there for Rita, if...when she came home. He made a point of correcting himself every time that word slipped into his mind, 'if'. There was no if about it, Rita would come home, one day he'd see her again, one day he'd get to hold her, to kiss her, to remind her time and time again just how much he loved her, how much he'd missed her whilst she'd been gone.

He'd almost fallen apart when, 11 days after Rita had disappeared, the police had informed him that they were searching local woodland and the lake in the park. He knew then that the police weren't looking for Rita any more, they were looking for her body. He briefly thought that the closure that would bring might help, that it was the not knowing that hurt more than anything but he'd quickly forced those thoughts from his head, Rita had to be found alive, she had to be. He wasn't sure how he'd cope if she wasn't.

It wasn't just Iain, it felt like there was a black cloud constantly hanging over the department, there was a Rita shaped hole that no one could fill, the elephant in the department, a change everyone was struggling to adapt to. Jacob had stepped up without question to take over Rita's role as Clinical Nurse Manager but he was adamant that he was only holding the fort until Rita came back, because she was coming back, no one was willing to think of the alternative, no one wanted to think about a future that Rita wasn't a part of.

"Jacob" Charlie called him across the ward one morning, "I don't suppose you've seen those forms we need to send up to HR for the student nurses have you?"

"Bottom drawer of Rita's desk I think" he refused to refer to the desk, or even the office as his own.

Charlie nodded, "thanks" he made his way back to the office, for once the ED seemed to be fairly calm so he intended to seize the moment and try to catch up on his paperwork before things got maniac again and he got to treat patients, the part of his job he enjoyed the most. He groaned quietly as he bent down to rummage through the papers he found in the drawer, his back having developed a nasty habit of reminding him exactly how old he was.

He flicked his way through several blank forms, various health and safety papers, staff review sheets, and finally, the sheets he was looking for. He dropped them onto the desk before tapping the rest of the pile against the edge of the desk to line them up so he could put them neatly back in the drawer. He frowned slightly when a half sheet of torn lined paper fell from the stack, it seemed so out of place when the other contents of the drawer seemed to all be official hospital documents, not counting the full box of pens he already knew Rita kept stashed away, constantly frustrated that any pen she took onto the ward seemed to instantly disappear.

Curiosity got the better of him, student nurses quickly forgotten as he turned over the paper, his heart stopping as he read the words scribbled on the page, ' _I haven't forgotten about you, I'll be in touch soon to tell you what you need to do, and you'd better do it or we might have to find out if LoverBoy will still want you when your pretty little face isn't so pretty and we wouldn't want that now would we Darling, I'd hate that just as much as you_.' He felt sick, it had to be from Mark, he couldn't think of anyone else who would send Rita anything like that, and he began rummaging through the papers, wondering if he'd find more notes. He wasn't wrong, and he felt his heart break with each piece of paper that he found. How long had he been sending them? How long had Rita been hiding this? Rita must have been terrified, too scared to tell anyone what was happening, too scared to ask for help. He should have known something was wrong, he should have been there to help her, should have tried harder to get her to open up to him. He felt bile rise from his stomach as he found the final note, and suddenly everything clicked into place, Mark had threatened to kill Iain, of course she'd gone to meet him, she'd put Iain's safety before her own.

He dropped the paperwork back into the open drawer, the notes still laid out on the desk as he reached for his phone and dialed Iain's number, "Iain, it's Charlie" he said, the paramedic answering after the second ring, "can I have a word when you've got a minute" he wasn't sure if Iain was at base or not and he didn't want to worry him too much if he was on his way to a shout. Charlie was relieved to hear Iain was already at the hospital, and, after hearing the concern in Charlie's voice, had agreed to come straight over.

Charlie made two quick phone calls once Iain ended their call, and he was sat at his own desk, his head in his hands when Iain knocked firmly on the door, not waiting for Charlie's response before walking into the office, "is everything okay?" he asked, a slight breathlessness telling Charlie that Iain had probably ran over from the ambulance bay.

Charlie stood from his seat, "sit down" he said.

"Charlie, mate, I've left Jez cleaning out the Ambo, I need to get back, what is it?"

"Sit down" Charlie repeated, his voice firm.

Iain frowned slightly, sure he'd seen unshed tears shining in Charlie's eyes, "what's wrong?" he asked as he sat down in the chair, his eyes fixed on the older man.

"I've called control, got you the rest of the day off, and I've called the police too, they're on their way, but I found these in Rita's desk when I was looking for some paperwork, I thought you'd want to see them" he said as he cautiously handed over the notes.

"Fuck" Iain mumbled, running a hand over his face, he recognised the handwriting from the note that'd been left in Rita's kitchen when Mark had broken in. Charlie saw the colour drain from Iain's face as he read each note, but he didn't see the anger building inside him until Iain stood forcefully, the chair crashing into the wall as he pushed it backwards, "I'm going to find him" he spat, heading for the door of the office, "I'm going to knock on every fucking door in the country if I need to, and when I find him, I'm going to fucking kill him."


	15. Chapter 15

"You're useless" Mark spat as he kicked at Rita's lifeless body with his boot, "I always knew you were, but at least you're behaving yourself now" he sneered as he glared down at her, "so I've bought you a treat" he pulled a bottle of vodka from his pocket before unscrewing the lid and taking a long gulp before offering the bottle to Rita. She didn't move. "Of course, you're useless aren't you" he sighed, kneeling on the floor, using the tshirt Rita was wearing to pull her into a sitting position, letting her fall against the wall when she was unable to support herself, "here" he placed one hand behind her head, using the other to hold the bottle to her lips, giving her no choice but to swallow the liquid filling her mouth.

He forced her to drink almost half of the bottle before placing it on floor by the mattress telling her he'd save it for later. He pushed her shoulder, laughing when she fell limply back onto the mattress, the rope cutting into her arms as they twisted awkwardly beneath her, giving her one last disgusted look before leaving her in the darkness, no longer making any effort to take care of her.

As the door slammed shut Rita felt her eyelids begin to droop, no longer sure if she was sleeping or simply losing consciousness, she couldn't remember when she'd last managed to eat anything without vomiting, couldn't actually remember the last time Mark had even offered her food after he'd announced how angry he was that she kept wasting the food he was kind enough to give her. She'd tried to stay positive at first, tried to convince herself that Iain would find her, that he loved her like he said he did but now she knew Mark was right, Iain didn't care and Rita knew, she knew that was going to die here and, if she was honest, she only hoped it would happen soon.

Zoe smiled sadly as she saw Iain sat on a bench outside the hospital with his head in his hands, "how are you holding up?" she asked softly as she sat beside him and lit up a cigarette.

Iain shrugged and sighed, "some mornings I don't know how I manage to get out of bed" he admitted, "I should have seen it, should have known" he whispered, "it's been more than a month, if he… if he has got her, even if she's still… if she comes back, she's not going to be the same is she?"

Zoe gently squeezed Iain's arm, "she'll need all our love and support when she comes home, but she'll still be Rita, we can all help her try and get over whatever's happened to her."

"It doesn't feel right" Iain admitted, "going out on shouts, acting like nothing wrong when she's… when nobody knows where she is, if she's okay, if she's…" he swallowed hard, tears pooling in his eyes as his voice fell to a whisper, "if she's alive."

Zoe closed her eyes and took a long drag on her cigarette as she tried to force back her own tears, "you have to think positively" she told him, "nobody knows if she's alive" she repeated, the words breaking her own heart, she had no idea how Iain was still going, "but nobody knows that she's… that she isn't either" she said before taking another drag on her cigarette, "but I know how you feel, Max and I are meant to be going away at the end of the week but I…" she shrugged, "it doesn't seem right."

"You should go" Iain told her, "Rita…she'd not want to think you'd cancelled your holiday because of her."

"It's only a week in a cottage in Cornwall" Zoe told him, "it's not like it's a 5* holiday to the Maldives."

"It doesn't matter, you, we, we can't…" he shook his head, "we can't put our lives on hold forever, if she's going to come back then she's going to come back regardless of whether you have a holiday or not."

Zoe nodded, "will you call me?" she asked, "if you hear anything?"

"Yeah" Iain nodded as Jez came out of the ED, calling him over to go to a shout, "of course I will."

Zoe began packing when she went home after her shift, Iain on the other hand reluctantly made his way back to his empty house, taking a beer from the fridge and collapsing onto the sofa like he did every night. He hadn't slept in his bed since Rita had left, he couldn't, it didn't feel right without her laying beside him, he couldn't settle knowing that if he reached out, his hand would meet cold sheets and not the warm body of the woman he loved. He knew what he'd said to Zoe was true, they couldn't all put their lives on hold waiting for her to come home but he didn't want to move on, not without Rita.

He sighed sadly, glancing round the room as he sipped at his beer, he'd not touched anything, their pictures were still on the mantelpiece, her shoes in the hall, handbag on the bottom stair and her clothes still hung alongside his in the wardrobe. With every day that passed, every day he woke alone on the sofa, the voice in his head seemed to get louder, the voice telling him that Rita was never coming home. If he was honest, Iain wasn't sure if, or even how he could live the rest of his life not knowing what happened to her but he would, as long as there was even the slightest hope that Rita would come home he'd force himself to keep going, if Rita was going to come home he was going to be here to welcome her back.

Rita used to be able to guess at how many days she'd been with Mark from the amount of times he visited her, but not any more. Not only had he began coming less and less but aided by the copious amount of vodka he gave her, Rita was beginning to spend more and more time slipping in and out of consciousness, something that pleased her greatly, at least if she was unconscious her mind forgot where she was. If she was unconscious, she was able to slip away from this hell back to Iain, back to their warm bed and his safe embrace, she was able to remember what it was like to be comfortable, to be safe and loved and, if she concentrated hard enough, in the depths of her unconsciousness she could almost remember what it felt like to be happy.

She felt like she should care, that her fight with alcohol, the weeks of withdrawal that had lead to years of sobriety were gone, that she actually looked forward to Mark raising that bottle to her lips every time she saw him, she only wished he'd give her more, enough to ensure that the next time she passed out it would be for good.

Relief flooded through her body when she heard the familiar click of the lock in the door, he was coming, she'd be able to spend the next few hours with Iain, even if it was only in her head. She only just managed to choke back her bile when he ran his fingers through her matted hair before stroking her cheek, she'd been sick once before when he touched her, the slight ache still lingering in her ribs meant she wouldn't make that mistake twice. Her head swam as he forced her to sit up, her head bouncing off the concrete wall. It didn't matter, the vodka would numb the pain.

"You've been behaving yourself" he told her, "I've got to go out for a bit but if you're good while I'm gone I might let you come upstairs tonight but you'll have to behave, try anything and you'll regret it." Rita nodded as Mark pushed her back to the mattress, she didn't even have the energy to sit up, she knew as well as he did that she wouldn't have the energy to 'try anything.' If she was lucky, she might fall down the stairs as she tried to get up them, there was always that.

Max was worried about Zoe, he knew Zoe was worried, upset by Rita's disappearance but he'd hoped a break from Holby might help. It wasn't though and he was beginning to think she'd never shake the depression that had taken hold of the entire department, a depression that could only be helped by something that no doctor or psychiatrist could ever prescribe, a depression that would only be solved if Rita managed to find her way home.

"Alright Mate?" he greeted the man he'd seen several times over the past few days, the man he assumed lived in the cottage next to the place they'd rented.

"Yeah, alright" he nodded, keeping his head down, never stopping to chat.

"Who was that?" Zoe asked, nodding towards the man as she stood on the doorstep smoking a cigarette.

"No idea" Max shrugged as he walked up the path, a bottle of milk and a newspaper in his hand, "think he lives next door. Want a brew?" he asked, gesturing to the bottle of milk.

"Yeah" Zoe nodded, "please, I'll be in when I've finished this" she told him, trying shake off the feeling that she recognised the man Max had greeted.

"Zoe, Zoe" Max had called her at least half a dozen times, she'd spent most of the day lost in her thoughts.

"Fuck."

Max rushed over to her, "Zoe, what's wrong?"

"That man" she looked up at Max, "I knew I'd seen him before, we need to ring the police."

"What?" Max frowned, not sure Zoe was making sense anymore.

"The man you said hello to this morning, I recognised him but it's only just come to me, it's Mark, it's Rita's ex-husband."


	16. Chapter 16

Max didn't wait, he knew Zoe wouldn't have said it if she wasn't sure, she'd never mess around over something this serious.

He grabbed his phone, thanking Zoe when she showed him a photo on her own phone, the number of the detective back in Holby that was in charge of the case, the man they'd all been told to call if they had any information.

Zoe paced the room nervously as she listened to Max's side of the phone call. Why hadn't she noticed him before? Why had it taken her all day to recognise him? What if Rita was there? What if she'd been next door since they arrived and they'd had absolutely no idea. "He's sending some officers round, he said they'll probably want to speak to us."

Zoe nodded, "do you think I should call Iain?"

Max shrugged, "we don't want to get his hopes up if it's not… maybe wait and see what the police say?"

The police were quick, knocking loudly on the cottage door less than ten minutes after Max had ended the call, "you're sure it was Mark Ritchie?" one of the officers asked them.

"I don't know" Max said honestly, "I didn't really see Mark before. I've just seen that man a few times when I've been walking to the shop or having a smoke in the front garden."

"I'm as sure as I can be" Zoe nodded, "he's grown a beard and he was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses but I'm pretty sure it was him."

"Okay, I'm just going to make a couple of calls and then I'll be right back" the police officer told them.

"Call Iain" Max told Zoe, "even if it isn't him, he should know."

"I'm going to call Charlie" Zoe told him, "Iain's going to want to come down, I don't want him driving himself and having an accident."

"Okay" Max nodded, "makes sense."

As she expected Charlie was shocked by Zoe's phone call, he told her Iain was out on a shout but as soon as he got back to the ED he'd tell him what was happening and drive him down to Cornwall, Zoe helpfully telling them that there was a small second bedroom in the cottage that he and Iain were welcome to share.

The pair shared a concerned glance when they heard banging and crashing in the cottage next door, not getting chance to speak before the police officer from earlier burst into their cottage, "did you say you were a doctor?" he asked.

Zoe nodded, "I'm an ED consultant."

"Okay" the police officer nodded, "I need you to come with me."

Zoe shot a concerned glance at Max before following the police officer from the cottage, Max hot on her heels. She frowned as she was lead to a door, the splintered wood showing it had obviously been broken down. The smell hit her first, a faint smell of damp mixed with stale vomit and stale urine, her heart dropped, this could only mean one thing, "Rita" she gasped as she saw the frail body curled on a mattress on the floor, another police officer knelt beside her.

"She's got a faint pulse but she's unresponsive. We've called an ambulance" the police officer told Zoe, his fingers against her neck, Rita's arms still tied behind her back.

"Okay" Zoe knelt down beside Rita, brushing her lank hair back from her face, her heart breaking at the sight before her, at seeing her friend as nothing more than skin and bones, her skin grey, her chest barely moving, "Rita" she said firmly, "Rita it's Zoe, can you hear me?" Rita let out a confused groan and looked up at Max who was lingering at the bottom of the stairs, "I need you to go upstairs, get me some water, a blanket or something to give her some dignity, and something with a lot of sugar in it, honey, jam, fizzy pop or squash as long as it's not diet" Max nodded and headed back up the stairs, pausing when he heard Zoe call his name again, "for God's sake, find me something to cut this rope off her arms." She looked up at the police officer, "can you help me move her onto the floor, so she's at least not laying in her own vomit?" she asked, ignoring the vomit that was already matted in Rita's hair.

"Of course" the police officer easily lifted Rita's weak body from the mattress and laid her on the floor, "on her side?"

Zoe nodded, "thanks." She felt Rita's pulse for herself, "Rita, can you hear me? It's Zoe, you're going to be okay, you're safe now." She saw Rita's eyes flutter open, "you're okay" she reassured her, you're okay."

"Here you go" Zoe hadn't noticed Max return, he placed a bottle of water on the floor beside a large pair of scissors, "I found this" he held out a big bottle of orange lucozade, "but I bought this too" he said, pulling out a jar of jam and a spoon and wrapping a blue fleecy blanket around Rita's shaking body.

"Thank you" Zoe smiled before turning her attention back to Rita, "Rita, I need to sit you up okay, "there's a police officer here with me and he's going to help support you, I know you're probably stiff and sore but I need you to try and work with me." She looked to the police officer, getting a nod in response to him helping, "on three, one, two, three." Rita's body slumped against the police officer as he sat on the floor, Rita leaning into his side. Zoe pulled out her phone when she felt it vibrating against her thigh, "it's Iain" she held it out to Max, "answer it please."

Max answered the call as soon as he took the phone from Rita, "Zoe" Iain didn't wait for anyone to greet him, "what's happening, Charlie's driving me to Cornwall, he said you've seen Mark?" Max could hear the panic and worry in his voice.

"Iain, mate, we've found her, we've found Rita."

"You, you? Oh God" Iain began to sob, Max hearing him tell Charlie that they'd found Rita, "how is she? Is she…" he didn't know what he wanted to ask

"Zoe's with her now, she erm, she doesn't look good."

"Is she" Iain swore, "is she alive."

Max glanced over when he heard a yelp, Rita crying out in pain as the rope around her wrists was cut, her muscles protesting at movement, stiff from being held in one position for so long. "Yeah" Max heard Iain's sigh of relief, "yeah mate, she's alive."

"Will you, will you tell her I love her?" Iain asked quietly.

"Of course I will" Max promised, "and we'll stay with her until you get here, if there's any more news we'll call you."

"Thanks mate."

Max ended his call with Iain before going over to Zoe who was gently coaxing Rita to drink the lucozade, "is there anything I can do?" he asked as he shrugged off his hoodie and wrapped it around Rita's shoulders.

"There's not much we can do" Zoe told him, "she's got a few bruises but no major injuries, she's dehydrated and she's obviously not been eating but that's something that will need to be treated in the hospital."

"Okay" Max nodded before looking at Rita, "I've spoken to Iain" he said softly, not wanting to scare her, "he's on his way and he asked me to tell you that he loves you."

"I...Iain?" Rita mumbled, both Zoe and Max noticing the corners of her mouth raise slightly.

"Iain" Max confirmed, "he'll be here in a couple of hours, and until then, Zoe and I will stay with you, you're going to be okay, he's not going to hurt you again."

Iain meanwhile took a few minutes to compose himself, "they've found her Charlie" he kept repeating, unable to believe it had actually happened, that Rita had been found, that she was alive, she was safe. That was the most important thing, anything else he could deal with. They could deal with.

Charlie drove the next few miles in silence before Iain pulled out his phone again, dialing a number that had become all too familiar over the past week or two, "Dix, it's me, I need you to do something for me."


	17. Chapter 17

Rita smiled slightly, this was one of the nicest hallucinations she'd had from a while, Zoe was there, holding her, telling her she was okay. Her smile grew as she heard another voice, her brain reasoning that it made sense for Max to be with Zoe, he told her Iain was coming, that he loved her, that he was going to save her, Mark could do whatever he wanted to, as long as her mind kept sending her to nicer places like it was now, Rita really didn't care.

She vaguely heard Zoe telling her something but her mind drifted when she felt hands on her waist, Mark was back, and though she desperately tried to cling onto her dreams, of Zoe, of Max and of Iain, she couldn't help herself, her mind blanked, not wanting him to invade her thoughts too. She let her body go limp as she was sat up, not wanting to do anything that would make Mark think she was fighting against him. She waited for her head to hit the wall, frowning slightly when, instead of the unforgiving freezing concrete, her body hit something firm but slightly softer than the wall, something warmer than she was used to.

The familiar feeling of a bottle against her lips caused her to drink almost instinctively. Not wanting to anger Mark and not wanting to miss out on the precious liquid that would see her spending her evening somewhere, anywhere, with Zoe, Max and Iain. She frowned slightly, when, instead of the bitter taste of vodka burning her throat, her mouth was filled with a sweet, slightly fizzy, liquid.

She continued to drink, brow furrowed as her brain struggled to distinguish between reality and fiction. The bottle left her lips and Rita cried out in pain when she felt her arms slump forwards, limbs slightly numb from how tight the rope had been tied, muscles frozen in one position. She didn't know what was happening, couldn't work out why she could suddenly hear so many voices, why, when she was almost certain that she was still in that horrible basement, that she could hear Zoe and Max, why someone had hold of her hand, why she could feel fingers against her wrist. She opened her mouth, there were so many questions she wanted to ask but all she could manage was a strangled groan before beginning to sob, completely overwhelmed by everything.

"Oh Rita" Zoe pulled her close, the blonde's body falling against her as if she was unable to support herself, "you're okay, I've got you, you're safe now" she promised before looking up at Max, "do you want to go back to ours and get a few things?" she asked quietly as she stroked Rita's back, Rita's fingers scrabbling against her shirt as she tried to cling to her, her tears hot and wet in the crook of Zoe's neck.

"Of course" Max nodded, "what do you want?"

"A clean top" she said quietly, "get something of mine for Rita too, and some pyjamas for her to take to the hospital, they'll probably be too big for her but it'll be better than nothing" she said, letting Max kiss her lips before turning her attention back to Rita, "you're okay, you're safe now" she repeated over and over.

Iain couldn't remember ever seeing Dixie cry, but now, for the second time in as many weeks here he was listening to her cry down the phone, he hadn't told her about Rita's disappearance, hadn't known how to but she'd still found out, she'd called Charlie when neither Rita nor Iain had been answering her calls and it had been him that had broken the news to her. She'd cried when, after finally getting him to answer the phone, she'd asked Iain why he hadn't told her, he'd told her he couldn't, that his last words to Dixie had been a promise to look after Rita and he didn't know how to tell her that he'd failed, that he'd let everyone down and put Rita in danger.

She'd cried as she'd told him he hadn't let anyone down, that it wasn't his fault that Mark was such a monster, and now, here she was, Iain crying with her as he told her Rita had been found, "they're in Cornwall Dixie, Zoe and Max, they're on holiday, they're with her, can you…?"

He didn't finish, didn't get chance to, "of course, just tell me where."

Zoe continued to hold Rita, gently rocking her and reassuring her until Max came back, "Rita" she said softly, "we're going to get you dressed okay" she sat Rita back against the police officer, but once again she began to sob.

"No, no, no" she mumbled, blindly reaching out to Zoe.

Zoe took Rita's hand, "I'm not going anywhere, we're just going to put some clothes on you" she said, smiling at Max as he pulled the only pair of yoga pants Zoe owned, and a shirt of his own from the bag he'd brought, explaining how he thought the shirt would be easier than trying to get her stiff arms into a tshirt.

She kept talking to Rita as Max and the police officer helped her dress Rita before wrapping her in the blanket again, Max wrapping his hoodie back around her shoulders. "Z, Zo…" Rita whimpered.

"I'm here" Zoe promised, "I'm not going anywhere" she gestured to the glass of water on the floor, Max passing it over to her, "I've got some water here" she told Rita, "do you think you could drink some for me? I think you're really dehydrated Rita and you'll probably feel better once we've got some fluids into you." Rita nodded and Zoe held the glass to her lips, watching her sip at the water before looking up at Max, "do you think you could find something she can eat easily?"

"Of course" he nodded before going upstairs, willing to do anything to help Rita.

"Well done" Zoe praised Rita as she drained the water, "Max has gone to see if he can find something for you to eat" she said before looking at the police officer, "do you know how long the ambulance is going to be?"

He shook his head, "there's something going on in the nearest town, they said they're busy but they'll get someone here as soon as possible."

"Right" Zoe nodded, "okay."

"He didn't have much so I went back to ours" Max told her as he took half a packet of bourbon biscuits, a banana and a packet of quavers from his pockets, "I can go and get something else if…"

"No, that's fine" she smiled, "thank you."

Max helpfully went to refill the glass with water whilst Zoe spent several minutes feeding Rita tiny pieces of the banana, helping her drink the water once when she shook her head after eating just half of the fruit, unable to eat any more.

"Paramedics" Zoe sighed in relief as she heard them shout, footsteps descending the stairs as Rita's grip tightened on her shirt.

"You're okay" Zoe told her, "it's just the paramedics, they're going to take you to hospital and get you checked over."

"No" Rita clutched at Zoe, "no."

"I'm going to come with you, you're going to be okay" she promised before telling the paramedics everything she knew, including her worries about Rita's blood sugar being low.

"Okay Rita, I'm Dave, a paramedic, we've got a chair here that we're going to use to carry you out to the ambulance, your friend can come with us if that's what want and…"

"No" Rita clung to Zoe, "no."

"Rita" Zoe said softly, "would you let Max carry you out to the ambulance?" she could tell that Rita weighed next to nothing and she knew Max would have no problem carrying her, "I'll be right behind you okay, I'm not going anywhere."

"M, Max?"

"Yeah, he won't hurt you Rita, but we need to get you into the ambulance so we can get you to hospital, get you checked over before Iain gets here."

At the mention of Iain, Rita nodded against Zoe's chest, "'kay."

Max smiled and moved closer to Rita, "I'm going to put one hand behind your back and the other under your knees okay, and then I'm going to stand up." He continued talking to Rita, explaining everything as he carried her past the police and out of the house to the waiting ambulance, Rita screwing her eyes shut and trying to bury her head against Max's chest, her eyes sensitive to the light after spending so long in the darkness.

"Are you…" Zoe wasn't sure what she was asking as she saw Max step from the back of the ambulance, the bag of clean clothes slung over her shoulder.

"You go with Rita, I'll grab the car and meet you there."

Zoe nodded and kissed Max's lips, "thanks, Love you."

"I love you too" he told her before taking his phone from his pocket, "I'll call Iain too and let him know, they can meet us at the hospital."

Zoe nodded again as she stepped into the ambulance, "thank you."


	18. Chapter 18

I've reached a point now where I feel like I could wrap this up in another couple of chapters, I do have an idea that could keep it going for a while longer but obviously I don't want to go on writing this if no one's reading it anymore, so if you'd like this to keep going then please let me know :)

* * *

Rita barely let go of Zoe's hand on the way to the hospital, convinced that if she let go this would stop being real and she'd wake up back in that basement, back with Mark. Zoe knew Rita needed her comfort though so she did all she could to avoid getting in the paramedic's way as she let Rita cling to her hand, talking softly to her, reassuring her over and over again that she was okay, she was safe and that Iain loved her and was on his way to see her. She told her how much everyone in the department had missed her, how relieved they'd be to hear she'd been found, that she was safe, how Rita should prepare herself, she was probably going to be suffocated by the hugs she'd get when she returned to the department.

They were taken into a side room as soon as they arrived at the hospital, doctors and nurses instantly getting to work, setting up IVs and examining Rita. The doctor introduced herself to Rita and Zoe, Zoe greeted her but she could tell from the look on Rita's face that she was feeling overwhelmed by everything. "You're okay" Zoe told her as she began to explain what everyone was doing, reassuring Rita, reminding the nurse that she knew this was nothing out of the ordinary, that they were just doing the same thing that she and Zoe both did on a daily basis at work.

Once they were sure Rita was stable, and her obs had been checked, several of the nurses left the room, leaving just one who was checking the IV that had been set up and scribbling in Rita's notes, and another who walked over to the bed, standing at the opposite side to Zoe and smiling at Rita, "My name's Amy" she said softly, her northern accent surprising Zoe slightly, everyone else that had spoken to them since they'd arrived at the hospital had had a Cornish accent. "Is there anyone you want us to call for you?" Amy asked, maintaining eye contact with Rita, her voice low and steady, not wanting to make Rita more scared than she was.

"Iain" Rita mumbled, "Iain."

"He's her partner" Zoe explained, "we've already called him, he's on his way down from Holby so he's probably going to be another hour or two."

"Okay" the tall brunette nodded, "I just need to take a sample of your blood, is that okay?" Rita nodded and Amy pulled on a pair of gloves, "I hear you're an ED nurse" she spoke again as she wiped the crook of Rita's elbow with an antiseptic wipe, getting another nod in response, "you'll have to let us know what you think then" she said, trying to put Rita at ease, "see if we live up to the standards you're used to providing in Holby." She got no response from Rita and didn't speak again until she'd finished, "I'll get this off to the lab, I'll be back in to check on you in 20 minutes or so, but if you need anything in the meantime, just give one of us a shout."

The second nurse left the room a few minutes later, echoing Amy's instructions to shout if they needed anything, "how are you feeling?" Zoe asked.

"I don't, I don't know" Rita whispered, her voice hoarse.

"Okay" Zoe didn't want to push her, "why don't I ask the nurse if they've got some of those wipes we use for giving bed baths, if you don't mind, we can try and get you cleaned up a little, see if that helps you feel better" she suggested.

Rita looked up at Zoe and clutched at her hand, Zoe seeing the fear in her eyes, "don't, don't leave me."

"Okay" Zoe promised, squeezing Rita's hand, "the nurse said she'd be in soon anyway, I'll speak to her when she comes in."

They sat in silence for a while, Zoe stroking the back of Rita's hand with her thumb as Rita stared off into space. Zoe looked up and smiled slightly when, true to her word, Amy returned 20 minutes after she left, "how are things in here then" she asked as she checked Rita's IV.

"Do you have any of the bed bath wipes?" Zoe asked, "we thought getting cleaned up might help her feel a bit better."

"Of course" Amy nodded, "I just need to check your obs again Rita and then I'll see what I can get for you." She talked Rita through her obs before leaving the room, returning a few minutes later with the wipes Zoe had requested along with a hair brush, some face wipes, a tube of moisturiser and a small can of dry shampoo, "I thought these might make you feel a bit more human" she explained as she carefully put them down on the edge of the bed.

"Thank you" Zoe nodded, realising that, apart from the big pack of wipes, everything else was Amy's.

"It's okay" Amy smiled, "do you need a hand or…?"

Zoe looked at Rita who shook her head, "no" she whispered as she clutched at Zoe's hand, "no, no please."

"It's okay" Amy said softly, gently touching Rita's arm, "I'll close the blinds for you and make sure you're not disturbed."

"Thank you" Zoe nodded, Amy already closing the blinds, "we'd appreciate that."

"Zoe" Rita whispered once they were alone, "I, it's… I'm a mess" she mumbled.

"I'm not going to judge you" Zoe said honestly, "and if you want me to stop then you just need to tell me okay, it doesn't matter if all I'm doing is washing your hands, if it's too much then you ask me to stop okay?"

"Yeah" Rita nodded, "okay."

"How about I start with your feet and work my way up?"

Rita nodded again before collapsing back against the pillows, exhausted and beginning to shake slightly, "okay."

Zoe worked quickly, changing Rita from the yoga pants to a pair of Zoe's own pyjama bottoms and a second shirt of Max's, Rita's shoulders still stiff and sore. Zoe noticed that Rita barely moved, limbs stiff as her muscles trembled beneath Zoe's touch. "All done" Zoe closed the packet of wipes, "I'm going to wash your face now and then we'll see what we can do with your hair. Rita gave a single nod and closed her eyes as Zoe began using the face wipes to gently wipe the grime, and vomit from Rita's face, "hey" Zoe said softly when she saw the tears falling from Rita's eyes, "what's wrong?"

Rita shook her head, more tears falling as Zoe continued to gently wipe them away, "you…" she couldn't find the words, how did she tell Zoe that it was the gentleness of her touch that had broken her, being touched without being hurt felt almost foreign to her.

"Okay" Zoe nodded, gently rubbing Rita's arm, "you're okay Rita, you're okay."

Zoe waited for Rita to calm down before she continued, gently rubbing the moisturiser, not only into Rita's face, but into any other patch of dry skin that she came across before turning her attention to Rita's hair. She used the wipes first, carefully removing traces of dried vomit from the tangled locks before beginning to gently brush through her hair, trying her best not to pull each time she got to a knot.

She looked at Rita when there was a knock at the door before calling "come in" once Rita nodded, Amy once again smiling as she came into the room.

"Sorry" Amy apologised, "I need to check your blood sugar again" she told them, as always, making eye contact with Rita as she spoke.

"Okay" Rita held out her finger, Zoe continuing to brush her hair as Amy did what she needed to do.

"All done" she smiled, "it's going up nicely" she said, scribbling the results on Rita's notes, "we're just waiting to send you up for a head CT because you said you'd been losing consciousness and an xray on your shoulders, they're a bit backed up at the moment but hopefully it shouldn't be too long. If you need anything in the meantime then you know where we are" she said, smiling at Rita and clearing away the used wipes before leaving the room.

"Okay?" Zoe asked when she noticed Rita looking up at her as she finished brushing the knots out of her hair and picked up the dry shampoo.

"Yeah" Rita nodded, reaching out to touch Zoe's hand, wincing slightly at the pain in her shoulder "is, is this real."

"It's real" Zoe promised her as she took her hand, moving her arms into a more comfortable position, "you're safe, the police are waiting for Mark and Iain's on his way to see you."

They both looked up as there was another knock at the door and once again Amy stepped into the room, "sorry to disturb you again but there's someone here to see you."

"Oh, it'll be my husband Max" Zoe spoke.

"No, well, he is here but he said he'll wait in the waiting room for you, it's a woman, she said her name was Dixie."

Rita's eyes filled with tears, "D, Dixie?"

"Yeah" Amy grabbed a box of tissues from the side and passed them over, "I can ask her to wait outside if you'd rather not…"

"No" Rita whispered, "I, I want to see her."


End file.
